Linda:
To my dearest Robbie
I think we need some space
Please excuse my timing
Dot-dot-dot, smiley face

You see, I woke this morning
Prepared to walk on air
But realized that you cramped my style
As I crimped my hair

You're just not that same person
The guy I used to know
I'm not in love with "Robbie Now"
But "Robbie Seven Years Ago"

You could have been in Motley Crue
Or David Lee Roth's replacement
But instead, you sing while people chew
And you live in your grandma's basement!

I hope this note is something
That you can rise above
Deep down you weren't in love with me
You were just in love with love

And so it's best we end this
Before we even start
Signed your pal Linda
The "i" is dotted with a broken heart