[Verse 1]
A man walks down the street, he says, "Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity, I want a shot at redemption
Don't wanna end up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard"

[Pre-Chorus]
Bone digger, bone digger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away in my well-lit door
Mr. Beer Belly, Beer Belly
Get these mutts away from me, you know
I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

[Chorus]
Uh, if you would be my bodyguard, I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al

[Verse 2]
A man walks down the street, he says, "Why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention and, woah, my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family? What if I die here?
Who'll be my role model now that my role model is gone, gone?"

[Pre-Chorus]
He ducked back down the alley with some, uh
Roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along, along, there were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations
[Chorus]
Uh, if you would be my bodyguard, I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
You can call me Al

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 3]
A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the third world
Maybe it's his first time around
Doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound, the sound (Ooh, ooh)

[Pre-Chorus]
Of cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity, he says, "Amen," and, "Hallelujah"

[Chorus]
If you'd be my bodyguard, I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
You can call me
[Post-Chorus]
Na, na, na-na, na, na, na-na
Na, na, na-na, na, na, na-na, na-na
Na, na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na, na-na-na

[Instrumental Break]

[Outro]
If you'll be my bodyguard (Ooh)
I can call you Betty (Ooh)
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can call you Betty
If you'll be my bodyguard