Friday Night Pyro
August 31st, 2018: Pyro
Concord, California

Match card:
M1: Golden Bryce vs Milk Man
M2: Steve Blackman vs Vinny Testaverde [No lImit Tournament]
M3: Slayer vs Champagne Clausen
M4: Croyle & Edwards w/ Olaffub vs Taka-Naka
M5: Kalalikial'i w/ Romeo vs GG
M6: XPWEW Tag Titles - Jake & Jaques vs 1776

Opening segment:
Clausen speaks on how he can’t change The Truth Infantry 5 count rule

Troy on Truth Infantry
-nothing I can do
-i would like to fire all of you but i think that would be too easy
-injuring robbie williams was the most disgusting this i have ever seen

Truth Infantry appears

Blackman explains his hatred an thirst for revenge against Awesome
I got vent up frustration against you for telling me when you signed me in 2011. Saying don’t worry Steve, we’ll make you a comedy act
Troy, I can still go
I am Steve black-man the greatest xpwew world champion ever and i will out Jake, Slayer, Jaques anybody
*1776 interrupts
“can’t believe we still gotta stay in this liberal shit-hole of California for another month…”
“All the fans booing me right now should do what Jason Sensation wanted to do Monday night”
ISDA CHEEP HEEET
“We are bringing back traditional values to this country, to that wrestling ring! We want the tag team championships and we wanna know where are they

*Slayer and Marc Snow interupts
“I made Jake Awesome tap out twice if anything he should be the 32nd contender for the world title!”
“I should be world champion, not Jaques Dudley, not your doofus son. ME!”

*Slayer gets up in Troy Clausen’s face

Troy: Well last week I did announce that Jaques was the number one contender and I’m announcing right now that Jake Awesome is the number 2 contender (crowd reacts)

This parlays Troy to reveal Jaques is the number one contender for...The Tag Team titles and so is Jake taking on the #2 contenders 1776

Slayer is relived wow so then I’m the number 1 contender right

Blackman speaks: no I am

Clausen explains that the actual world title belt…isn’t ready yet. Its still in customs

Olaffub calls out clausen for being stupid, careless and a weak contract negotiator. Blackman calls out Clausen for forcing him to do Headcheese and be a comedy act

Clausen says fine Blackman you wanna spill dirty laundry out in public. First off we’ve always been good friends and i didn’t MAKE you do comedy, I made things easy. I respect what you’ve done for this industry and so I gave you a lucrative contract to take things easy and now you go and align yourself with this jackass Olaffub
Croyle calls 1776 clowns - speaks up to Troy
why aren’t we in the tag team title picture

Fine - tonight you’ll face Taka Naka - happy

Slayer looking bored patiently sits back “are you done yet?”
All i hear is Blackman bitching
Croyle bitching
Edwards looking like a bitch
Olaffubs ponytail is somehow bitching somehow but where oh where is the title
Do I have to beat Steve Blackman? is that what is being set-up here

Blackman: smiles at Slayer…this ain’t what you want boy

Slayer: ooooh what are you gonna do Steven, you gonna nunchuck me, you gonna ask me what my favorite type of cheese is. Listen dude my brother was always a better performer than you were and I’m not gonna argue with a failed dog the bounty hunter

Steve Blackman: Slayer, your lucky you aren’t on my list right now…

Slayer (school hall spooky fingers)

*Infantry leaves the ring

Golden Bryce hits the ring cuts a promo on the importance of physical fitness
Milk Man interupts and says “don’t forget to drink your milk”
Golden Bryce: *cough* excuse me Mr. Man? Actually milk is a terrible choice, it’s actually been proven to be a horrible choice to the human reproductive system. Honestly, you should switch to Almond Milk it’s a great substitute for that mid-evil substance (chuckles)
Milk Man attacks Bryce from behind as the bell rings
M1: Golden Bryce def. Milk Man

Backstage: Mick Foley finds Jake Awesome and says listen Jake I wanna have a public human resources session with you in that ring tonight. Jake rolls his eyes not really taking this seriously.

M2: No Limits Tournament First Round
Steve Blackman w/ Olaffub def. Vinny Testaverde
*Blackman makes quick work of Vinny.

Steve Blackman calls Jake Awesome out. Awesome I will end your career and that is a promise. I will get my revenge on what you did to me and you know what you did. 10 years ago when I was the flagship champion of this company for over a year. It was you who not only took that title away from me. You nearly ended my career throwing me off the stage at Guilty As Charged 2008. I did not forget.
I’ve already plotted my revenge, you’ll figure it out soon enough.

*Jake Awesome music!*

*Jake Awesome enters the stage staring down Blackman who is standing in the ring until Mick Foley steps in front of Jake as if to separate them

*Blackman/Awesome star at each other as they both walk up and down the ramp. Olaffub in front of Blackman and Mick Foley in front of Jake. and they slowly walk around

PUBLIC HUMAN RESOURCES SESSION
*Ring segment: Mick Foley with Jake Awesome
*Mick: Now Jake I understand you might be feeling a lack of confidence
Jake: I’m honestly not. I lost to a good competitor, I’m not perfect. Mick to be honest every week you keep approaching me with this lack of confidence, are you ok, Yes i’m ok, Yes - Mick I’m fine
Mick: The old Jake Awesome wouldn’t have tapped out
Jake: I’m not perfect. Mick, you of all people. Mick half of your career was a loss. Alright - I lost 2 matches. Tonight I’m gonna win the tag team titles. It’s all good
I’ll win the tag titles with Jaques I’ll squash that has-been Steve Blackman
Mick: Jake do you think you have ring rust
Jake: what the hell did you just say to me? (Jake proper offended)
Mick: (rushes on) Jake, I have someone back there you need to talk to.
Jake: (insulted still about the ring rust comment looks confused)
Mick: from your hometown of Terrace Florida
Jake this is your mother Delisa Alfonso!!!

Entrance: Delisa Alfonso appears and Jake Awesome’s actual mother is here on Friday Night PYRO

Mick Foley: I looked her up all over the internet and Jake I found your Mom and I think nothing is better than a mother-son bond and she has something she wants to tell you

Jake: Jake greets and hugs his Mom. (kind of unsure, feels like an intervention)

Delisa: You all know him as Jake Awesome but I know him as my son Anthony Alfonso. goes on long diatribe about jake as a child.
Delisa: Jake, you’ve had a successful career and you’ve made lots of money and son I think it might be best, if you consider making not doing this wrestling thing anymore

Jake: Mom, I’m fine
Delisa: Anthony I think you are going to get hurt and I’ve spoke with Mick Foley and he tells me that he doesn’t think you are competing at the same level that you used to. and son I don’t want you to throw your life and able body away for these fans. I’m sorry
(crowd boos)
Jake: Mom, I’ve lost 2 matches this is ridiculous. I’m not perfect. I lost. I haven’t lost a step? I’,m still the mammoth and I will be YOUR XPWEW tag team champion tonight
Mick: ENOUGH!!!! You know what I see Jake, I see me in you. I see someone who doesn’t know how to quit! I was that person and now I can’t walk without a limp, I can’t run, I can’t jog, I can’t get on the floor and wrestle with my kids. This fdamn industry changed my life….I’ll never forget the horrors I suffered in Japan, I’ll never forget the ear being stripped from my head in Germany, I’ve lost years off of my life because of these ropes. and you with the good looks, a model wife, a 5 year old daughter at home. I don’t want you to throw your life away for this. I wanna see Jake Awesome do movies, I wanna see Jake Awesome become an actor, make millions not hurting yourself
Delisa: Anthony, don’t listen to these people, they don’t love you, they don’t want whats best for you
Jake: (silence) kisses his mother on the cheek, shakes Mick Foley’s hand and walks out and then up to the ramp puts the mic to his face “and your new XPWEW tag team champion of the world..Jake Awesome”
(walks behind curtain)

M3: Slayer w/ Marc Snow def. Champagne Curt Clausen via helm sharpshooter

Interview: Kandi Khaos with Jaques Dudley about how he thought last week when Clausen called him the #1 contender he thought it was for the world title but he’ll become tag team champs with Jake nonetheless. Slayer sweaty after his win over Champagne talks smack to Jaques about who should be world champ, good luck with those 2nd tier belts. Also good luck because if you are teaming with Jake…be prepared to lose on his behalf


M4: Croyle & Edwards w/ Olaffub def. TakaNaka
*after many close calls of 4 counts Taka Naka could not get a 5 count over the truth infantry ultimately Croyle would pick up the win over Masato Tanaka

In ring: Tanahashi appears wearing a pink suit looking really dapper is with a woman standing next to him in the ring. She’s dressed in a business dress holding a clipboard and is the official English translator for Tanahashi
Feebe Kinoshiba translates the Tanahashi promo and declares Tanahshi wants to give you what you have been wanting. At Anarchy Rulz Hiroshi Tanahashi wants a dream match. Tanahashi wants JOHN CENA!!!!
(huge pop) Tanahashi smiles in approval

*Backstage: Troy Clausen knocks on the door of Romeo Roselli’s locker room.
A huge Hawaiian man answers the door
Troy: Who are you
Huge hawaiian man: …….
Troy: How many translators do we need around here
Romeo: Oh hi Troy, you look great. Got a tan. Joel you look…fit
Troy: Romeo listen last week you brutally attacked GG our lead cameraman and I’m suppose to be here to suspend you for 30 days without pay
Romeo: WHATTT
Troy: No no listen. I can’t have my talent attacking production staff okay. But no fear GG actually spoke to me and said he wants to drop the charges and he’ll drop them if he received a talent contract. And we got him trained, he’s pretty green but he wants to live his dream of being a professional wrestler
Romeo: Oh well if he wants a piece of first he’s gotta get through my poona right cheer. Troy this is my “Protecter” This is Kalaliki’al’i and tell GG to meet him right now
Clausen: Well he’s actually standing in the ring
(they look over at monitor with GG jumping up and down getting himself hype in the ring)
Kalaliki’ali’i
*swift kicks monitor off the table*

M5: Kalaliki’ali’i def. GG in about two minutes

(crowd gives GG standing ovation despite big loss. GG exits through the loving crowd and starts an X P Dub chant)

Troy Clausen and Joel Gertner hit the ring and unveil the NEW XPWEW Tag Team Championships
White straps, they look nice. Updated belts

*Mick Foley, Steve Blackman and Will Olaffub join Joey Styles and Shane McCoy on commentary

(during commentary Blackman tells Foley, you should convince Jake to end his career now before I end it

M6: XPWEW World Tag Team titles
1776 vs Jaques & Jake Awesome

*1776 cuts off Jake to their corner of the ring

*Jaques is the only bright spot for the team honestly

*However after a double spine buster finisher Leonard and Dennis pin Jake Awesome and after multiple saves Jaques can not save the match and

1776 is the new tag team champions

Clausen and Gertner wrap the new titles around the waist of 1776 as they start emotionally reacting to the win to a sea of boos

Mick Foley walks up to the apron and looks at Jake somberly

Jaques walks up the ramp shaking his head