[MISS ARGENTINA]
I was hot
I went to parties a lot

(spoken)
Y'know?

(sung)
I was driving Lamborghinis
Sipping super-dry martinis
In the tiniest bikinis on a yacht
But I was depressed
Oh so completely obsessed
An unhappy beauty queen
Who dreamed to be Miss Argentina
I had such low self-esteem
I was a mess

So I gave it all up for the netherworld
I've been here forever, girl
If I was more clever, girl
I would've stuck it out
Knowing what life's about

Pain and joy and suffering
Failing but recovering
I'll tell you another thing
Everyone here is alone
So if you are breathing
Go home!
If I knew then
What I know now
I would have looked within and let love win somehow
If I only knew
The truth back then
I wouldn't have had my little "accident"

Don't be blind
You left your whole life behind
See a shrink
Call a priest
Ask the recently deceased
Death is final and you cannot press rewind

[SKYDIVER]
Don't jump when the light is red

[WOMAN IN TOWEL]
Toasters should be used for bread

[MAN IN SUIT]
Never smoke cigars in bed

[FOOTBALL PLAYER]
Nietzsche was right, y'know, to live is to suffer, bro
[MAN IN TUX]
Don't cheat on the one you wed

[JOCKEY]
Never whip a thoroughbred

[ENSEMBLE]
Angry pygmies shrunk his head
Why did it take death to see
Happiness was up to me?

[ALL]
If I knew then
What I know now
I would've laughed and danced
And lanced every sacred cow
I thought I knew
But I was wrong
'Cause life is short
But death is super long

[MAN WITH FIREWORKS]
I exploded!

[INSTRUMENTAL]
[MISS ARGENTINA (ENSEMBLE)]
If I knew then
(If I knew)
What I know now

[ALL]
I would've crossed every line
And drank all the wine
Before my final bow

[MISS ARGENTINA (ENSEMBLE)]
If I knew (If I knew)

[ALL]
The things that now I know
I would ride the highs and cherish the lows
Knowing it's a quick trick 'round the rodeo

[MISS ARGENTINA]
So before they lower the curtain, be certain to enjoy the show
That's what I know!

[ENSEMBLE]
Life is short but death is long
Here, one minute then it's gone
Thought I knew but I was wrong
If I only knew what I know now!