[BETELGEUSE]
You've got a weird head

[LYDIA]
Your stench is distressing

[BETELGEUSE]
I may be dead, but you're just depressing

[LYDIA]
Oh yeah?
Well, you look like a statue that's been crapped on by birds

[BETELGEUSE]
Yeah, you look like one of Dracula's turds!

[LYDIA]
You make me sad

[BETELGEUSE]
You've got terrible breath

[LYDIA]
No. You look like a clown that's found crystal meth!
Not enough smarts