[Verse]
Here I am, standing in this chair
Rope around my neck, I feel like no one cares
I'm hopeless, I try to talk to God
But, it seems like I don't have a prayer
Why can't I just be a normal man? Why can't I be loved?
I don't understand why I'm not good enough
I gave it all I had, and now, I'm giving up
And now, the only thing I trust is this truss
They always told me I should pray
They always told me God would take away this pain
They always told me time would make it go away
They always told me "Stick it out, you'll be okay"
But I'm not, and I haven't been
My life is a wreck, like it's an accident
So, I'll count to ten
And when I hit that last number, I'll be numb, and hope this madness ends
One, I remember when she cheated
My heart was broken into several pieces
Two, I was just another dude
But, you told me that I was the one for you
So, three, four, five, why'd he have to die?
Best friend was drunk, but still, they let him drive
Off the right side of the road
He was thrown through the window into the sky
Six, Grandma can not meet my kids
She went to Heaven January 25th
I wasn't ready for her life to end
I had so many questions to ask her, but now I can't
So, seven, eight, hope I fall straight
With all my weight, my neck should break and I will suffocate
Nine, ten, I begin to descend
Close my eyes, and know my life is at it's end!
Rope tightens and my neck squeezes
My eyes open wide, I'm barely breathing
And I can not even try to save myself
'Cause I tied my hands behind my back, I can't believe it
I just wanted to be done with all this pain
That my life has brought on me
I googled how to do this
But, it ain't say nothing 'bout all the regrets I'd probably see
I start to panic, 'cause my life will vanish
Any second now, and no one's here with me
I could've probably managed any sadness that I had
But, half the time, I felt like no one's listening
God, please! Help me, now
I'm not ready to go, but I'm blacking out
I'm not tapping, but my life is flashing as I'm passing
And I'm scared of where I'm headed now
The last thing I remembered seeing
Before my eyes sealed shut tight
Was a picture of my mom hanging on my wall
Staring back into my eyes
And instantly, I regretted it
And I don't know if I'm Hell or Heavensent
But, I know it's a mistake, I didn't take away this pain
I passed it to my relatives
How could I be so selfish?
I only ever thought of me
I could've called anyone to help, but
I just soaked in all my misery
Now, my mom's gonna find me hanging there
And I know it's gonna mess her up
She's gonna blame herself and think she wasn't there
As she buries her own youngest son
And my parent's marriage starts to fail
'Cause what kept 'em glued is under coffin nails
'Cause it's hard to love when a part of your heart
Is torn apart and no longer there
And my brothers and sisters will be with one less sibling
Thinking about the signs that they were missing
And they'll take the blame for it, but, it's not their fault
Every thought of it is like a wound with salt
And, I'm sorry
It never even came across my mind that y'all could help me
So many thoughts went through my mind that I forgot about you
Honestly, it's overwhelming
To my niece and nephew, I'm sorry, too
Y'all just think I'm sleeping, but, it isn't true
I'm gone and I'm never coming back
I wasn't thinking, I just made a selfish act!
My world begins to fade away
My breathing slows with every breath I take
Every thought of every person that I ever loved
Has made it's way into my brain
And I'm full of nothing but regret
But, it's too late to change what I've done
My whole life I felt like I'm depressed
But, my life had only just begun
[Outro]
*heartbeat*