[Intro: Oolie]
I'm one of a long line of good girls
Who choose the wrong guy to be sweet on
The girl with a face that says welcome
That men can wipe their feet on
I'm there when he calls me the trusted girl Friday alright
But what good does it do me alone on a Saturday night?

[Verse 1]
If you need a gal to go without salary and work too hard
You can always count on me
The kind of a pal who'd sneak you a file past the prison guard
Loyal to the nth degree
The boss is quite the ladies' man and that's my biggest gripe
'Til I showed up he'd never hired a girl 'cause she could type
I'm no femme fatale but faithful and true as a Saint Bernard
Barking up the wrong damn tree
You can always count on me

[Verse 2: Donna]
I don't need a map I naturally head for the dead end street
You can always count on me
I'm caught in a trap when joy is approaching and I retreat
I'm at home with misery
I've been the other woman since my puberty began
I crashed the junior prom and met the only married man
I'm always on tap for romance or chocolate that's bittersweet
You can always count on me
[Verse 3]
A matter of fact, if you want an ill-fated love affair
You can always count on me
Though I made a pact to carry out research before I care
Men don't give a warranty
One Joe who swore she's single got me sorta crocked, the beast
I woke up only shocked that I'd defrocked a priest
Or else I attract the guys that are longing to do my hair
You can always count on me

[Bridge]
I go for the riff raff who's treating me so so
When I can play the second fiddle I'm a virtuoso
I should be playing for a wedding band
But there're no wedding rings attached
Though you can bet there's strings attached

[Verse 4]
Though my kind of dame no doubt will die out like the dinosaurs
You can always count on me
I'm solely to blame, my head gives advice that my heart ignores
I'm my only enemy
I choose the kind who cannot introduce the girl he's with
There's lots of smirky motoclerks who call me Mrs. Smith
But I made a name with hotel detectives who break down doors
Guess who they expect to see?
You can always count on, bet a large amount on
You can always count on me