[Verse 1]
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I’d buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a K-Car
(A nice reliant automobile)
And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love

[Chorus 1]
If I had a million dollars
(I’d build a tree-fort in our yard)
If I had a million dollars
(You could help, it wouldn’t be that hard)
If I had a million dollars
(Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge
In there somewhere)

[Post-Chorus 1]
You know, we could just go up there and hang out
(Like open the fridge and stuff
And there’d all be foods laid out for us
Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things)
(They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon)
Well, can you blame them?
(Yeah!)
[Verse 2]
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a fur a coat
(But not a real fur coat, that’s cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you an exotic pet
(Yep, like a llama or an emu)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you John Merrick’s remains
(Ooh all them crazy elephant bones)
And if I had a million dollars I’d buy your love

[Chorus 2]
If I had a million dollars
(We wouldn’t have to walk to the store)
If I had a million dollars
(We’d take a Limousine ’cause it costs more)
If I had a million dollars
(We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft dinner)

[Post-Chorus 2]
But we would eat Kraft dinner
(Of course we would, we’d just eat more)
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
(That’s right, all the fanciest - Dijon ketchups)
[Verse 3]
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress, that’s cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a monkey
(Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?)
If I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love

[Outro]
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
If I had a million dollars
I'd be rich