[Verse 1]
Wiped out down the stairs
I'll bet you there's a song in there
I'm not sure I'm prepared
To write it down
That guy should be me
I'd look much better on TV
Then the world would see
That I can do anything

[Chorus]
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything

[Verse 2]
Let's play tic-tac-toe
I'll play X, you can be the O
Thoughts of turning pro
Have crossed my mind
I could make a mint
Fill my pockets with more than lint
I'll give you a hint
It involves the internet

[Chorus]
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
[Bridge]
Don't write me off as an also ran
Just mark me down as an angry man
Got a big chip, you want a fat lip?
How 'bout a mouthful of Chiclets?
Life passed me by, but it's not my fault
I'll lick my wounds, could you pass the salt?

[Chorus]
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything

[Interlude]
If I were the king
All my subjects, they would dance and sing
They could kiss my ring
And kiss my ass

[Verse 3]
When I'm old and grey
I'll look back on my life and say
"Give me one more day
And still I'll never do anything"
[Chorus]
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything!