[Verse 1]
Everywhere I go someone's trying to be my girlfriend's best friend
I'm tryin' to pretend I'm relaxed but I'm playin' castanets with my knees
I try to be cool and give her space
But a guy's always there ready to jump right up and take my place
Everyone in this room seems to want to make a big fool outta me

[Chorus]
Everybody open your mouth
Everybody just say "Ah" (Ah ah ah ah)
Everything will be alright if you play along

[Verse 2]
Everywhere I go there's someone in a trench coat staring at me
And when I'm not at home I'm sure someone's rummaging through my trash
Whatever could they want from me?
Is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy?
I gotta go see my doctor about this itchy pentagram shaped rash

[Chorus]
Everybody open your mouth
Everybody just say "Ah" (Ah ah ah ah)
Everything'll be alright, this won't hurt at all
Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough (Ah ah ah ah)
Everything'll be alright if you just lay off
[Bridge]
Dictate a memo to myself
Tryin' to finally find the only one in complete health
Consult contemporaries if there are some to see
There really isn't anyone who's in my league

[Verse 3]
Every night at the lanes, someone thinks they've got a fine bead on me
I try to take three deep breaths as I walk up to my minivan
Everyone says I'm lookin' great
But it's hard to stand up let alone to try to concentrate
I wish that everyone that I knew hadn't sold out to the man

[Chorus]
Everybody open your mouth
Everybody just say "Ah" (Ah ah ah ah)
Everything'll be alright, this won't hurt at all
Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough (Ah ah ah ah)
Everything'll be alright if you just lay
Everything'll be alright if you just lay
Everything'll be alright if you just lay off