I guess I lied to you when I told you I like baseball
It's not so much the game I like, it's the hats
See this black band 'round my neck? (It's nice)
It's not just fashion
Hartz made it to protect me from ticks, fleas, and gnats

I couldn't care less, what's in a chocolate mousse
I couldn't care less, what are the five fruits in Five Alive juice
I couldn't care less, how old are Ernie and Bert
I couldn't care less, what's under k.d. lang's skirt

Shaggy said to Velma, "Hey now, Velma, how ya doin'?"
And Velma said, "Jinkies, Shag, I'm just fine."
Then Daphne said to Fred, "Hey, let's get drunk down in the forest"
And all night Fred was yackin' up red wine

I couldn't care less, why was Fonzie cool
I couldn't care less, are the Sweathogs still in school
I couldn't care less, how do they fill the Caramilk bar
I couldn't care less, if my car says, "The door is ajar"

I couldn't care less, what's in a chocolate mousse
I couldn't care less, what are the five fruits in five-alive juice
I couldn't care less, how old are Ernie and Bert
I couldn't care less, what's under k.d. lang's skirt
I wish I had a nickname like "Crusher", "Snake", or "Kenneth"
'Cause guys with nicknames always get the gals
When I grow up I'll name my children Alice, Albert, and Alfred
I'll call them for supper like this: "Dinner's ready, als!"

I couldn't care less, what Morton Downey says
I couldn't care less, what's on the head of my Pez
I couldn't care less, do zoodles need a trained zookeeper
I couldn't care less, why's the Super Big Gulp cheaper (No, really, that's ridiculous)

I couldn't care less, what's in a chocolate mousse (It's ground-up antlers)
I couldn't care less, what are the five fruits in Five Alive juice
(Apples, cheese, broccoli-)
I couldn't care less, how old are Ernie and Bert? (Well, they're either forty or four)
I couldn't care less, what's under k.d. lang's skirt (I don't know)
I couldn't care less, why was Fonzie cool (Hey)
I couldn't care less, are the Sweathogs still in school
I couldn't care less (I couldn't care less)