If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)

And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an Ottoman)

And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car
(A nice Reliant automobile)
And if I had a million dollars
I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars
(I'd build a tree fort in our yard)
If I had a million dollars
(You could help, it wouldn't be that hard)
If I had a million dollars
(Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere)

You know, we could just go up there and hang out
Yep, like open the fridge and stuff and there'd all be foods laid out for us like little pre-wrapped sausages and things
Mmm
They have pre-wrapped sausages, but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon
Well, can you blame them?
Yeah!
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a fur coat
(But not a real fur coat, that's cruel)

And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Yep, like a llama or an emu)

And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
(Ooh, all them crazy elephant bones)
And if I had a million dollars
I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars
We could take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner

But we would eat Kraft dinner
Of course we would, we'd just eat more. And buy really expensive ketchups with it
That's right, all the fanciest ket, Dijon ketchup
Mmmm!
Mmmm!
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress, that's cruel)

And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted a monkey?)
If I had a million dollars
I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
If I had a million dollars
I'd be rich