[ARTIE, spoken]
Hey, Gillis! We'd give you up. Let me take your coat. Jesus, Joe, what's this made of? Mink? Who did you borrow this from? Adolphe Menjou?

[JOE, spoken]
Close, but no cigar. Hey! It's quite a crowd

[ARTIE, spoken]
I invited all the kids doing walk-ons in "Samson and Delilah"

[BETTY, spoken]
Where have you been hiding? I called your apartment. I called your ex-agent. I was about to call the Bureau of Missing Persons

[JOE, spoken]
Well, they always know where to find me

[RICHARD A]
You gotta say your New Year's resolution out loud
Jean!

[JEAN]
By this time next year
I'll have landed a juicy part

[STEVE]
Nineteen fifty will be my start
[RICHARD T]
No more carrying spears

[MARY]
I'll be discovered
My life won't ever be the same
Billy Wilder will know my name
And he'll call all the time

[KATHERINE]
'Til he does, can one of you guys lend her a dime?

[ALISA]
Just an apartment
With no roaches and no dry rot

[ANITA]
Where the hot water comes out hot

[BOTH]
That's my Hollywood dream

[RICHARD A]
Your resolution

[JOANNA]
Is to write something that gets shot
With approximately the plot
I first had in my head
[MYRON]
But you'll get rewritten even after you're dead

[RICHARD A, spoken]
Artie!

[ARTIE]
It's the year to begin a new life
Buy a place somewhere quiet, somewhere pretty
When you have a young kid and a wife
Then you need somewhere green, far from the city
It's a rambling old house with a big apple tree
With a swing for the kid and a hammock for me

[SAMMY]
Behold, my children
It is I, Cecil B. DeMille
Meeting me must be quite a thrill

[ADAM]
But there's no need to kneel

[SAMMY]
I guarantee you
Every girl in my chorus line
Is a genuine Philistine
[SANDY]
They don't come off the shelf

[SAMMY]
I flew every one in from Philistia myself

[BETTY]
I have some good news
It's "Blind Windows"

[JOE]
You don't let go

[BETTY]
I gave Sheldrake an outline, Joe
And he swallowed the bait

[JOE]
Well, hallelujah!

[BETTY]
While you've been buying vicuna coats
I've been making a lot of notes
Now there's work we should do

[JOE]
Betty, you're forgetting that I gave it to you
You remind me of me long ago
Off the bus, full of ignorant ambition
Thought I'd waltz into some studio
And achieve overnight recognition
I've seen too many optimists sinking like stones
Felt them suck all the marrow clean out of my bones

[BETTY]
I love "Blind Windows"
But I can't write it on my own
Can't we speak on the telephone?
All my evenings are free

[ARTIE]
Hey, just a minute
I'm the fellow who bought the ring

[BETTY]
Artie, this is a business thing
It's important to me
You'll be on location in Clinch, Tennessee
Please make this your New Year's resolution for me

[ALL]
By this time next year
I will get my foot in the door
Next year I know I'm going to score
An amazing success

Cut to the moment
When they open the envelope
Pass the statuette to Bob Hope
And it's my name you hear

We'll be down on our knees
Outside Grauman's Chinese
Palm prints there on the street
Immortality's neat
This time next year
This time next year

We'll have nothing to fear
Contracts all signed
Three-picture deal
Yellow brick road career
Hope we're not still saying these things
This time next year

[JOE, spoken]
You know, I think I will be available in the New Year. In fact, I'm available right now

[BETTY, spoken]
Joe, that's great!

[JOE, spoken]
Hey, Artie, where's your phone?

[ARTIE, spoken]
Under the bar

[JOE, spoken]
Hey, Artie. You think you could put me up for a couple of weeks?

[ARTIE, spoken]
It just so happens we've got a vacancy on the couch

[JOE, spoken]
I'll take it

[MAX, spoken]
Yes?

[JOE, spoken]
Max, it's Mr. Gillis. I want you to do me a favor

[MAX, spoken]
I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis. I can't talk right now

[JOE, spoken]
Listen, I want you to take my old suitcases -

[MAX, spoken]
I'm sorry, I am attending to Madame

[JOE, spoken]
What do you mean?

[MAX, spoken]
Madame found the razor in your room. And she's cut her wrists

[ALL]
Three, two, one, Happy New Year!

Should auld acquiantance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should auld acquiantance be forgot
And days of auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne