[Intro: Iggs & Chapstick]
Iggs: Hello! You’re tuned into a single by Chapstick for... Whatever reason
And lets only hope that it doesn’t suck as bad as everything else in Beaverton seems to
Now lets listen to this pasty, white, Justin-Bieber-looking tacky Chapstick
Please silence your cellphones and pay attention to the lyrics for once
(The floor is yours. I’m gonna go smoke some meth)
Chapstick: Um... Thanks for the uh... Intro there. Okay um... Well I guess I’ll start rapping now

[Verse I: Chapstick]
Welcome to Beaverton, everybody heres whack
Its clear fact rap is being murdered and I fear that
You hear rap with a repetitive hook and weird clap
I’m steering clear of that ‘cause its making my peers mad
Because Z-100 is constantly playing
And to be redundant is all that they’re saying
Get on my knees and make a ruckus, God I've been praying
That all these rappers that stuck would simply just fall off the playlist
And all these other rappers here are saying that their work is ill
They’re sucking uncontrollably but tell you they spit fury still
Psh.. That buzz will be surely killed
When we see the studio in the mansion up on Murray Hill
All these albino kids, talking in ebonics and...
Popping Klonopin in their father’s den when mom’s not in
Like “you know me homie, I be out there and I got the rims,”
Mom comes home, its like “will this happen? No mom, not again,”
With sorry grins, popping mollies and doing Ollie flips?
A lot of them could have great accomplishments, go to colleges
Have all of it paid for, and be living life so problemless
But all of them got their friends and followed them, pill swallowing
Grew a tolerance and now they wonder where the profit is?
And all these “hard” emcees can’t riddle a punchline
Using little to bust rhymes, “yo its really a tough time,”
Like “I hustle, and leave you riddled when I bust nines,”
Last thing you hustled was some Skittles up at lunch time
So don’t go acting like you wanna be sniping Chapstick
Without pros like me, then your career would likely vanish
And any fame you come to gain from acting ghetto, I’ll snatch it
Other words, you should know if you’re hood, I’mma jacket
Next we got all these guys thinking they’re so much iller and sicker...
Than anyone, couldn’t get chicks tipping a stripper
Like “your girl? You better get with her man, quicker
Or I’ll tap twice and like it like an Instagram picture!”
Now jocks, most of you are cool, but some are having trouble and...
I think you may have yourself confused with another man
You play a mean left bench, don’t pose as a running back
What am I saying? Even bench is something you’re sucking at
Now here's a few bars from a nerd that you may understand
“I’ll have you running back if you mess with my friends,”
The beginning was okay but prepare for a tighter end
Skills skyrocketed so high, they can’t touchdown
Its good, only converting points of view so what now?
And people brag their moneys long, with coins you got the shortest stack
With 25 cents and two nickels, go give that quarter back
That's the only way you can score a dime
I’ll never play play a sport, but this game sure is mine
Next we got these sad rappers, they’re all some jerks
With “love the hustle” on the shirt, and tries to spit the bombest verse
And drops an F bomb on a song while his moms at work
Talking G, probably thinks he rocks a verse
Both of these fools are whack, they’re tools in fact
With useless music, stupid rap, thinking their crew is phat
Making me cringe like soccer moms who are new to rap
“Now you know I was brought up on gang signs and Ruger blasts,”
But as a kid you knew your dad, and had food and cash
I’m pale and tacky, how do I trash your rapping skills?
When I don’t wear Louis or Gucci with a matching grill?
I’m not another rapper looking for chicks to score on
But I’ve watched it happen, so I grow vein like forearms
The name by birth? Well that's Michael Aaron Chapek
The initials are MAC, so like I spit like a Mac10
Maybe Big Mac, like I’m tall, opponents sandwiched
“Got yo gurl on my lips man thats why they call me Chapstick”
Picture fame like “MAC” backwards, let it grasp you
You put the gig in giggle, when you perform we laugh at you
Remember my initials, they help me rap cool
The first and last are the hobby but I’m cooler than the last two
Thats in case you forgot my name since the talent show
Back when I had an average flow, and I said I was back, you know
But hip-hop in Beaverton has been scathed and been burned
So Chapstick is back to make his return