[Verse 1]
Oh, just a couple o' weeks ago me poor old Uncle Bill
Went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his will
The other night I tottered 'round to see my Auntie Jane
Auntie said: "Your uncle left to you his watch and chain."
I put it on right across me vest
Thought I looked a dandy as it dangled on me chest
Just to flash it off I started walkin' 'round about
The kids were runnin' after me and they all began to shout

[Chorus]
"Any old iron? Any old iron?
Any, any, any old iron?
You look neat! Talk about a treat!
You look a dapper from your napper to your feet
Dressed in style wi' a brand new tile
And your father's old green tie on
I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch-chain
Old iron, old iron!"

[Verse 2]
Haha, I shan't forget when I got married to Selena Brown
The way the people laughed at me, it made me feel a clown
I began to wonder when the dial began to crack
By mistake I'd got me Sunday trousers front-to-back
I put the chain on my derby kell
The sun was shining on it, it made me look a swell
The organ started playing, the bells began to ring
Me chain began to rattle and the choir began to sing
[Chorus]
"Any old iron? Any old iron?
Any, any, any old iron?
You look neat! I need-a talk about a treat!
A-treat-a-you-a look a-dapper from your napper to your feet
Yer-feet-a-dressed in style wi' a genu-fine tile
Father's old green tie on
I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch-chain
Old iron, old iron!"

(spoken)
Thank ya! Now, ladies and gentleman...
I love the place where I was born - that's good old Bethnal Green
I'm what you call a "Britisher"
I love my king and queen!
But now we've got some trouble on with Jerry once again
Let us do just what we are told to uphold England's name
We've got the men, the pluck, and the courage to!
I'm speaking on behalf of every mother's son of you
Give old England all you can, be generous and kind
And before you go to bed tonight just see if you can find...

(sung)
Any old iron, any old iron
Any, any, any old iron
An old iron pot, an old iron cot
An old iron bicycle or anything you've got
An old iron plate, an old iron grate yer mother used to fry on
And I'm going to let my country have me old watch-chain!
Old iron, old iron!
Hooray!