Tonight I'm to go to a party
But I've just seen the party's far away
Though the host has made the trip to me many times, recently
I'm gonna make up some lion steak

At home, in my sweatpants
Eating cheese, and/or drinking wine (have some wine)
Alone, in my sweatpants
Browsing Netflix, and/or Amazon Prime
And I'll watch your night on instagram
And I'll hope that it still goes great
But not too great (no)
Because I'm not there

[spoken]
Ooh, what's this? A party of another friend that's much closer...
[sung]
Oh, wouldn't it be fun
To go get really drunk
In a house so close to my house
But if I go out
They'll be on what I'm about
So I'll have to go on stretching out

At home, in my sweatpants
Spilling popcorn all over the floor
Alone, in my sweatpants
Awaiting Postmates, and/or Uber Eats at my door
And I'll watch your night on Snapchat
And I'll hope that it still goes great
But not too great (no)
Because I'm not there
(I'm not there) because I'm not there
(I'm not there) because I'm not there