[Intro: Wizard of Friendship]
(spoken)
Oh, Flim Flam
You're gonna regret crossing me
(sung)
With all that you will endure
It's the little things
Modern tortures

[Verse 1: Wizard of Friendship]
I've reset and lost the password for your Wi-Fi
I hid the remote for the tv
I've changed the layout of your grocery store
And you'll always choose the wrong line when you try to pay and leave
All your french fries will be under-salted
All Coca-Cola, hmm, replaced with diet Pepsi
The shower will nevеr get hot enough
And Uber will always bе such pricing
Your pillow will be warm on both sides
And the sink seems to have a leak somewhere
But when the plumber comes
He'll find nothing wrong

[Chorus: Wizard of Friendship]
Modern tortures
It's the little things
That interrupt your day and waste your time
Modern tortures
Y'know, in the grand scheme of things
You'll be fine
But it doesn't mean you will be happy
And all of your songs will be hard to sing
Like this!
[Verse 2: Wizard of Friendship]
Your brand new couch will not fit through the door
A rodent has just died under your floor
Your coffee will always be just too hot
Your pizza will always be just too hot
Your penis will always be just too hot
You should get that looked at
But you will have to personally bill your insurance
After the fact
You didn't hit start on the dryer
Now your clothes all smell like mold
CVS is out of umbrellas, girl
It sounds like rain
Delivery food will always have mistakes
Best man at your wedding will drop your cake
Onto your bride

[Chorus: Wizard of Friendship]
Modern tortures
It's the little things
That interrupt your day and waste your time
Modern tortures
Y'know, in the grand scheme of things
You'll be fine
But it doesn't mean you will be happy, no
[Outro: Wizard of Friendship]
And I'm certain that you won't be happy
When I tie you to a spit
And roast you to a crisp
But not before you endure
Modern tortures
Modern tortures
I'm The Wizard of Friendship
And I, am going to kill Flim Flam