[Verse 1]
I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5'3" and overweight
I'm a sci-fi fanatic, mild asthmatic
I've never been to second base
But there's a whole 'nother me you need to see
Go check out MySpace

[Chorus]
'Cause online, I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six-foot-five and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in Karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious
'Cause even on a slow day, I can have a three-way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

[Verse 2]
I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life, the only time I've
Ever even been to L.A
Was when I got the chance with the marchin' band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade
[Chorus]
But online, I live in Malibu
I've posed for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six-pack abs that will blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious
'Cause even on a slow day, I can have a three-way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

[Bridge]
When you got my kinda stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I log in

[Chorus]
Online, I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six-foot-five and I look damn good
Even on a slow day, I can have a three-way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
[Outro]
(Yeah, he's cooler online)
Hey, I'm cooler online
(Oh, yeah, he's cooler online)
Yeah, I'm singin' online
Hey, I'm cooler online
(Yeah)
(Oh, yeah, woo)