[FRANK, spoken]
How's it going?
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Good. You?
[FRANK, spoken]
Fair.
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Yeah, tell me.
[The phone rings; FRANK answers.]
[FRANK, spoken]
Chinese laundry.
[MARY, spoken]
Hi.
[FRANK, spoken]
Mary.
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Say hello.
[MARY]
I think I got a job
[FRANK, spoken]
Where?
[MARY, spoken]
True Romances.
[FRANK, spoken]
Posing?
[MARY, spoken]
Thank you. Writing captions.
[FRANK, spoken]
What about the book?
[MARY, spoken]
What about the book?
[FRANK, spoken]
Nothing, are you working on your book?
[MARY, spoken]
Yes...
[FRANK, spoken]
Good.
[MARY, spoken]
No...
[FRANK, spoken]
Mary—
[MARY, spoken]
Right, I know, yes, me and Balzac...
[CHARLEY]
I finished the one-act
[FRANK]
I got an audition—
[MARY]
I started the story
[FRANK]
Rehearsal pianist
[CHARLEY]
So where are we eating?
[MARY]
I'm moving to Playboy
[FRANK]
The publisher called me
[CHARLEY]
I'm doing a rewrite
[MARY]
My parents are coming
[FRANK]
I saw My Fair Lady
[CHARLEY]
I rewrote the rewrite
[FRANK]
I sort of enjoyed it
[MARY]
I threw out the story
[CHARLEY]
I'm meeting an agent
[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
We'll all get together on Sunday
We're opening doors
Singing, "Here we are!"
We're filling up days on a dime
That faraway shore's
Looking not too far
We're following every star—
There's not enough time!
[FRANK]
I called a producer
[CHARLEY]
I sent off the one-act
[MARY]
I started the story
[FRANK]
He said to come see him
[CHARLEY]
I dropped out of college
[MARY]
I met this musician
[FRANK]
I'm playing a nightclub
CHARLEY
They're doing my one-act!
[MARY]
I'm moving to Redbook
[FRANK]
I rewrote the ballad
MARY
I finished the story
[CHARLEY]
We started rehearsals
[MARY]
I threw out the story
And then the musician
I'm moving to Popular Science
[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
We're opening doors
Singing, "Look who's here!"
Beginning to sail on a dime
That faraway shore's
Getting very near!
We haven't a thing to fear—
We haven't got time!
[FRANK]
Bum-bum-bum-da-da da-da
Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum bum-ba
[FRANK, spoken]
How's it coming?
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Good. You?
[FRANK, spoken]
Done!
[CHARLEY, spoken]
One minute...
[The phone rings; FRANK answers.]
[FRANK, spoken]
Hamburg Heaven.
[MARY, spoken]
Hi.
[FRANK, spoken]
Mary.
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Say hello.
[MARY]
I got another job
[FRANK, spoken]
Where?
[MARY, spoken]
"Chic."
[FRANK, spoken]
What's that?
[MARY, spoken]
A brand-new concept:
Pop-up pictures.
[FRANK, spoken]
What about the book?
[MARY, spoken]
What about the book?
[FRANK, spoken]
Did you give the publisher the book?
[MARY, spoken]
Yes...
[FRANK, spoken]
Good.
[MARY, spoken]
No...
[FRANK, spoken]
Mary—
[MARY, spoken]
Look, I never—
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Finished!
[FRANK, spoken]
Let me call you back.
[MARY, spoken]
Right.
[CHARLEY, spoken]
This is just a draft.
[FRANK, spoken]
Right.
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Probably it stinks.
[FRANK, spoken]
Right.
[CHARLEY, spoken]
I haven't had the time to do a polish—
[FRANK, spoken]
Will you sing!
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Right!
(sung)
Who wants to live in New York?
Who wants the worry, the noise, the dirt, the heat?
Who wants the garbage cans clanging in the street?
Suddenly I do...
[During the above, JOE JOSEPHSON has appeared and starts to listen judiciously: FRANK and CHARLEY are auditioning for him.]
[CHARLEY]
They're always popping their cork—
(spoken)
I hate that line—
(sung)
The cops, the cabbies, the salesgirls up at Saks
You gotta have a real taste for maniacs—
Suddenly I do!
[JOE]
That's great! That's swell!
The other stuff as well
It isn't every day I hear a score this strong
But fellas, if I may
There's only one thing wrong:
There's not a tune you can hum
There's not a tune you go bum-bum-bum-di-dum—
You need a tune to go bum-bum-bum-di-dum—
Give me a melody!
Why can't you throw 'em a crumb?
What's wrong with letting 'em tap their toes a bit?
I'll let you know when Stravinsky has a hit
Give me some melody!
Ah sure, I know
It's not that kind of show
But can't you have a score
That's sort of in between?
Look, play a little more
I'll show you what I mean!
[CHARLEY]
Who wants to live in New York?
I always hated the dirt, the heat, the noise
But ever since I met you, I—
[JOE]
Listen, boys
Maybe it's me
But that's just not a
Hum-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mable melody!
Write more, work hard—
Leave your name with the girl
Less avant-garde—
Leave your name with the girl
Just write a plain old melodee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee
Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee
[CHARLEY]
They're stopping rehearsals
They ran out of money
[MARY]
We lasted one issue
My book was rejected
[FRANK]
The nightclub was raided
I have to start coaching
[MARY]
My parents are coming
[CHARLEY]
They screwed up the laundry
[FRANK]
My wallet was stolen
[MARY]
I saw the musician
[CHARLEY]
We're being evicted
[MARY]
I'm having a breakdown
[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
We'll all get together on Sunday
They're slamming the doors
Singing, "Go away!"
It's less of a sail than a climb
That faraway shore's
Farther every day
We're learning to ricochet
We still have a lot to say...
[FRANK]
You know what we'll do?
[CHARLEY, spoken]
What?
[FRANK]
We'll do a revue
[CHARLEY, spoken]
What?
[MARY, spoken]
What?
[FRANK]
We'll do a revue of our own!
[MARY, spoken]
What?
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Where?
[MARY, spoken]
Why?
[CHARLEY, spoken]
When?
[FRANK, spoken]
Not just songs, but stories, scenes
Piano pieces, mime—
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Yeah!
[MARY, spoken]
"Frankly Frank!"
[FRANK]
A showcase of our own!
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Where?
[FRANK, spoken]
The club's reopening.
[MARY, spoken]
We'll write a lot of new stuff—
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Rewrite old stuff—
[FRANK, spoken]
What about the girl?
[CHARLEY, spoken]
What about the girl?
[FRANK, spoken]
Only that we're gonna need a girl.
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Well, Mary—
[MARY, spoken]
Thanks, I don't perform except at dinner.
[TWO GIRLS hold rehearsal copies of music, ready to audition. The FIRST GIRL starts, singing shrilly and off-key as FRANK plays.]
[FIRST GIRL]
Who wants to live in New York?
Who wants the worry, the noise, the dirt, the heat?
Who wants the garbage cans clanging in the street?
[FRANK, spoken]
Thank you for coming. Next eight, please.
[BETH]
They're always popping their cork—
[FRANK, spoken]
Up a tone.
[BETH]
The cops, the cabbies, the salesgirls up at Saks—
[FRANK, spoken]
Up a tone.
[BETH]
You gotta have a real taste for maniacs—
[FRANK, spoken]
Thank you. You're hired.
[BETH, spoken]
Oh!
(sung)
I'm Beth
[FRANK]
I'm Frank
[BETH]
I really thought I stank
[MARY]
I'm Mary
[CHARLEY]
Charley
[FRANK]
By the way
I'm told we open Saturday
[CHARLEY, MARY & BETH]
What?!
[MARY]
You're not serious!
[CHARLEY]
Nobody's ready!
[FRANK]
Apparently somebody cancelled a booking
[CHARLEY]
The songs aren't finished
[MARY]
And what about costumes?
[BETH]
And how do I learn all these numbers?
[FRANK]
I'll bring you the copies of everything later this evening
[CHARLEY]
Not to mention I still haven't
Finished the Synanon song or the Kennedy number...
[BETH]
Okay, but I'll have to have all the music
And Saturday I've got to sing at a wedding
Oh God, is there dancing, 'cause I'm not a dancer
[FRANK]
You don't have to, we'll segue the
End of it into the dance we cut out...
[MARY]
And have we decided or not on the restaurant sketch?
I need two or three days at the least to replace it...
[CHARLEY]
And what'll we do about getting publicity
Run around town putting stickers on windows?
[FRANK]
No, we'll use it but not with the long introduction...
[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY & BETH]
We'll worry about it on Sunday!
We're opening doors
Singing, "Here we are!"
We're filling up days on a dime
That faraway shore's looking not too far
We're following every star—
There's not enough time!
We're banging on doors
Shouting, "Here again!"
We're risking it all on a dime
That faraway shore's looking near again
The only thing left is when
We know we should count to ten—
We haven't got time!
We haven't got time!
