[Verse 1: Anthony Padilla]
There was this one time, not too long ago
I saw this one girl that made my heart explode
She wasn't like the rest, no, she wasn't a ho
If I made her my girl, my life would be whole
I've never spoken to her, not even a word
I know that you're thinking that sounds absurd
But believe me, I've tried, but to no avail
When I flirt with girls, I always fail

[Chorus: Ian Hecox]
Boxman, Boxman, Boxman can't get a girlfriend
He's trying real hard, but he can't get a girlfriend
Boxman, Boxman, Boxman can't get a girlfriend
He's trying real hard, but he can't get a girlfriend

[Verse 2: Anthony Padilla]
It's about time that I face my fears
Or I'll regret this for years and years
Man, I'm so nervous, I think I might hurl
Hey there, Boxman, my name is pretty girl
Oh wait, I'm sorry, I'm not good at this
You smell that? It smells like piss
Oh God, excuse me, just ignore the pee
Will you please go on a date with me?
[Chorus: Ian Hecox]
Boxman, Boxman, Boxman just got a girlfriend
Even after pissing his pants, Boxman just got a girlfriend
Boxman, Boxman, Boxman just got a girlfriend
Even after pissing his pants, Boxman just got a girlfriend

[Verse 3: Anthony Padilla & Ian Hecox]
Why you with a box when you're lookin' so hot?
You know that kind of thing will get you shot
Humans and boxes just don't intertwine
I could have you arrested for this crime
What's wrong with you man? It's the 21st century
Why you gotta go and act so elementary
I'm human inside, although it doesn't show
Come on baby, let's go!
I'm not gonna let people bring me down
Now that's just something that I won't allow
I taught myself that I should just walk away
But then I always throw boiling water in their face
If there's something that I've learned from all this
It's that love is not about a kiss or chocolates
But sticking together through thick and thin
And if someone's a dick, throw hot water on him

[Chorus: Ian Hecox]
Boxman, Boxman, Boxman has got a girlfriend
He's wanted for attempted murder, but he still has a girlfriend
Boxman, Boxman, Boxman has got a girlfriend
He's wanted for attempted murder, but he still has a girlfriend
[Outro: Ian Hecox]
Boxman, Boxman, Boxman has got a girlfriend
Boxman, Boxman, Boxman has got a boyfriend?!