[Chorus: Ian, Anthony]
Anything he can do, I can do dumber
I can do anything dumber than him
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
Quit talking crap and prove you're dumb, man

[Verse 1: Anthony, Ian]
To get around town, I can ace this race
I roll down the street with shopping carts as skates
I always take first dates to the club with my mom
I run through airports, screaming about my lip balm
You think that's dumb? That ain't shit, son
I misplaced my hammer so I used a nail gun
Blow dry my hair while I take a nap in the bath
I stuck my tongue to a frozen pole and it hecka sucked ass

[Chorus: Ian, Anthony]
Anything he can do, I can do dumber
I can do anything dumber than you
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
Quit talking crap and prove you're dumb, man
[Interlude: Both]
Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, du-dumb, dumb, du-dumb

[Verse 2: Ian, Anthony, Both]
(Dumb!) Forgot to put lemons in my lemon meringue pie
(Dumb!) Hold my breath through a tunnel and almost died
(Dumb!) Siphoned gas out of a septic tank
(Dumb!) Tagged myself a selfie when I tried to rob a bank
(Dumb!) Lit fireworks in my room to hear them go pop
(Dumb!) Built a fully functional humanoid robot

[Break: Ian, Anthony]
Er, dude... That's not dumb at all. That's... actually kind of brilliant
Oh, er...
Peed into a bottle and gave it to a cop
Hahahaha!

[Chorus: Anthony, Ian]
Anything he can do, I can do dumber
I can do anything dumber than you
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
No, you can't
Yeah, I can
Quit talking crap and prove you're dumb, man
[Verse 3: Ian, Anthony]
I can eat my phone to take a pic of my heart
I can scratch my own back 'cause I cut off my arm
Gave a scary biker a free prostate exam
To impress a hitchhiker, I lit my fart inside a van