If you wanna be number one
Stop playing games, just for fun
Give up your life so you can win
And be the best at Paladins

If you wanna be number one
Kill all your friends with bombs and guns
Which thank god is not a sin
When you're a gaming champion

Hey there, guy, you suck really bad
Watching you play is making us sad
You wanna be the best at the championships
Listen to us and follow these tips

Get alone
No distractions - drop all your friends
Break your phone
You're a gamer - no one's calling, don't pretend

Pick a champ
Be a dragon or a dude named Fernando
What kind of knight has a flamethrower though

Getting better reflexes can be tough
Gotta play til your hands get rough
When you see protruding bones that might be enough
You mashed so many buttons that your fingers got buff
The next step is neato
Maybe make it your creedo
Never have to leave your chair if you only eat cheetos
Shower like a cat so you don't waste time
The only thing that matters is gaming online

If you wanna be number one
Don't change your clothes for at least six months
Sure - You smell like a garbage bin
But at least you're good at Paladins

If you wanna be number one
Unleash a siege on everyone
Defend a paylord with some friends
That look like turtles and goblins

Why am I wearing a diaper?
No time to pee

Ah, my eyes are ouchy
From only staring at a screen

What if I get tired?
Intravenous red bull
That we'll pump through a tube right into your skull
Wait, what if I lose my friends?
Your only friends are in the game

Miss my grandma's birthday?
Grandma's are lame

And just a quick reminder, always stay hydrated. This isn't to help you game better, it's just a better way to live

No time for love
It's just another distraction
Your online avatar should be your only attraction
We think the game is awesome, even though there's no mccree
But you get to be an ice witch
And who cares - it's free!

So now you're really number one
Time to show the world you're the chosen one
Store up all your passive rage
And express it all in a healthy way on stage

So now you're really number one
Your friends hate you cause you're no fun
Yeah, they might call you a dork
But screw those dudes
You just killed some orcs
You're number one
I'm number one
Best in the world

ALL BE-CAUSE YOU'RE OB-SESSED WITH VIDEO-GAMES!