[SHELBYFORD, spoken]
Now, if the two of you should become proper princesses, there are a few key rules and regulations you must follow

[SHELBYFORD]
It's quite a foreign concept, a seldom-uttered tale
But living a life of royalty is fraught with pains and ails
The subjects are revolting

[CHUCKFORD]
They're turning against us, too

[SHELBYFORD & CHUCKFORD]
So what can we mere powerful people do

[SHELBYFORD]
Just keep a posh appearance up for the good of the people's sake

[CHUCKFORD, spoken]
And if they should object

[SHELBYFORD, spoken]
Let them eat cake!

[PENNY, spoken]
But... how does that solve anything?
[SHELBYFORD, spoken]
It does!

[HAYLEY, spoken]
Yeah, but... how?

[CHUCKFORD, spoken]
Huh-h... hooooow?

[HAYLEY, spoken]
What?

[SHELBYFORD]
Your dress must be custom-tailored, your pearls must be silvered moons
You must select the finest furs to make all the people swoon!
And if you should spot opposers

[CHUCKFORD]
Trace your neck with a dainty bow!

[SHELBYFORD]
And all the bad people will go away somehow
If they've got time to arrange a coup, they've got ample time to bake

[CHUCKFORD, spoken]
So we just tell them this:
[SHELBYFORD]
Let them eat cake!

[HAYLEY, spoken]
So you... kill them?

[CHUCKFORD, spoken]
We just do the dance that the queen taught us, and they go away!

*horror string sounds*

[PENNY, spoken]
The "finger across the throat" dance?

[SHELBYFORD, spoken]
Yes, that's the one!

[HAYLEY, spoken]
You're sending those people to die. Your Queen taught you to execute people

[CHUCKFORD, spoken]
But she would never do something like that! She's the queen!

[PENNY, spoken]
Hoo boy
[SHELBYFORD]
Our dearest queen rules over us in the wake of the king's attack!

[SHELBYFORD, spoken]
He went to the mead store...

[CHUCKFORD, spoken]
And he hasn't come back

[HAYLEY, spoken]
So, wait... Was he attacked or did he did he get drunk and wander off?

[CHUCKFORD, spoken]
Yes... It saddens us so...

[SHELBYFORD, spoken]
Oh, boo hoo hooo...

*Both begin to obnoxiously cry*

[HAYLEY, spoken, overlapping]
I'm trying to ask...
I'm trying to ask which...
Which one w—
Which one—
HEY!

[SHELBYFORD, spoken]
Our sincerest apologies. We do miss father so. But! I must remain a proper princess

[CHUCKFORD, spoken]
And I a proper prince!

[SHELBYFORD & CHUCKFORD, spoken]
For the queen

[PENNY, spoken]
But...you're a princess! Princesses are supposed to be adored! Don't you want your people to actually like you?

[CHUCKFORD, spoken]
Oh dear, after all of this, they still don't get it

[SHELBYFORD]
The future of our proud nation lies with the choices a princess makes
So I shall now decree
Your apprenticeship to me

[SHELBYFORD & CHUCKFORD]
So you two can one day see...
They should eat cake!

[SHELBYFORD, spoken]
Your apprenticeship starts now