This country's sure got problems:
Corruption, crime, and drugs
And though we try to fix the world
The world just hates our guts
But for all our woes and troubles
I still love the U.S..
'Cause compared to the rest of the world
America sucks less

They call us all polluters
With our Hummer SUVs
But in China, you can taste the air
And it tastes like iPhone 3s
You may hate our politicians
And protest what they say
But think about how much it sucks
To be Russian and gay

Our Congress can't do anything
Our Senators are goons
But at least they were elected
And their name's not Kim Jong-Un
Japan makes better cars than us
Games and cartoon shows
But I saw The Cove on Netflix
And that was pretty fucked-up, bros
America, I love you
Out of necessity
You're not too hot and not too cold
And mostly not diseased
Compared to the alternative
You're probably the best
'Cause the whole world sucks
But America sure sucks less

Our economy is tanking
But we're not as fucked as Greece
Our fast food is disgusting
But Italians eat maggot cheese
The NSA is spying on
Our emails and phone calls
But good luck finding Wi-Fi
In some village in Nepal

Brazil is full of riots
Australia's full of snakes
Mexico's got cartels
And their water makes you shit for days
Dubai is just Las Vegas
Without alcohol or fun
And Africa's in a post-colonial tailspin
Of genocide and oppression
(I am so sorry for everything you guys have to deal with
Moving on)

America, I love you
Though you're run by old white men
Republicans are assholes
But at least they're not the French
We'd probably get a solid B
If they gave the world a test
'Cause the whole world blows
But America sure blows less

America, I love you
For your lack of murder squads (lack of murder squads)
Your workin' indoor plumbin'
And your mostly valid laws
In a world of mostly shit
America stinks the best
(Except for maybe Canada, you guys have a pretty good thing going)
'Cause the whole world sucks
But America sure sucks less