Well I turned 13 seven years ago
That was the first time I felt I didn't have a home
'Cause razor blades and pairs of scissors strung out on my desk
And when I told you you put them in the closet
Next to a notebook where I would pour my love
You took it away from me but I didn't give it up
And now I wish that I could read those love letters I wrote
Her handwriting was atrocious but it made me comfortable

And I spent three years just holding on for dear life
I spent the next three after that just trying to make this life mine
I started smoking cigarettes and I started doing drugs
I would do anything to fill the hole that once housed your love

And then I went to college and things started getting worse
I cut off contact and I started drinking more
And I think it helped for a little while Christine would help me through the pain
But then I'd wake up so hungover and full of hate
And my dad thinks I don't like him and I can't say that's not true
'Cause after everything that's happened it's getting harder to forgive you
And my sisters are moving far away, I think they're trying to keep their distance
They've been warned what I might say by my parents

And I spent three years just holding on for dear life
I spent the next three after that just trying to make this life mine
I started smoking cigarettes and I started doing drugs
I would do anything to fill the hole that once housed your love
And I know you know all about Victoria
And I know you know everything I was keeping secret
Underneath the surface it's much more than what it seems
Dad that's the saddest smile that I think I've ever seen

And now I'm disconnected with everyone I love
I started playing it off like I was cooler and tough
I started rolling with the wrong crowd doing drugs
I started hating myself instead of picking you up

And now I am pushing away everyone that I love
I started telling myself that I was more than enough
I started rolling with the wrong crowd killing cops
I started hating myself instead of falling in love

And now I'm disconnected with everyone I love
I started playing it off like I was cooler and tough
I started rolling with the wrong crowd doing drugs
I started hating myself instead of picking you up

And now I am pushing away everyone that I love
I started telling myself that I was more than enough
I started rolling with the wrong crowd killing cops
I started hating myself instead of falling in love

And I know you know all about Victoria
And I know you know everything I was keeping secret
Underneath the surface it's much more than what it seems
Dad, that's the saddest smile that I think I've ever seen
And I know you know all about Victoria
And I know you know everything I was keeping secret
Underneath the surface it's much more than what it seems
Dad, that's the saddest smile that I think I've ever seen