Whaddup bois, you already know who it is, Lil Minecart here. Yall must think I got everything perfect. But that ain’t the case. You see, I got problems too. Big problems. Girthy Problems. Let me tell you what

I got problems
Not everything perfect
Just broke up with my main bitch smurfette
You know her coochie blue
She had a nice hue
It too bad that she live in a shoe
But them shoes ain’t Nike
I shall strike thee
I’ll hit you then I’ll break my hand
Like i’m taking down a tree
Used to be a poor man
Now I ain’t broke
Used to be with no plan
Then my girl had a stroke
Got financial compensation
Traveled all across the nation
Now I got too many people goin’ on my page and-
Fuck the rap life
Too many chats like
“OMG I love you, lick my clit”
Sure, nope SIKE
Plus my lag spike
This I dislike
Man why Xfinity be fuckin up my life?
(Damn)
I spent my last 20 on some sticky icky icky
Might have the stiffy, uh, but who the fuck is blicky?
Plus my side bitch gave me a fucking hickey
What if my mom sees?---Man that’d be shitty
Get a girl in bed and she lookin at me funny
I ask “what?” and she respond “oh it’s nothin honey”
My pants come down and she starts to laugh
This bitch don’t like my 2 inch staff? GOD

I got problems! Yeah, big ass problems
Internet pedos, don’t even wanna block em
Went up to the bus stop, finna go to stop 1
I thanked the bus driver, but abandoned my stepson
I got problems! Yeah, big ass problems
But you know that I ain’t about to solve em
Mined too far, now I hit rock bottom
Mom ain't proud, should probly get a job, um

Fuck that, I’m already getting paid
By sittin on the couch and drinkin Kool Aid
All these goddamn women, that I gotta slay
“HEY! … DON'T SAY THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN!”
Sheesh, mom’s got me on a leash
You don’t understand me, and you never will, capeesh?
“You’re spending too much time on that TV”
Get out mom, I’m on a killing spree
My raps too flame, caught my wolf on fire
Tried to put it out, but that bitch went haywire
Flames spread to my pants, now they callin me a liar
But I’m too tired, call me a bike
(HA)
Last week I got meat
Thought it was fresh
Turns out that villager
Sold me rotten flesh
Now i’m hella famished
My hunger bar vanished
Now I’m in a panic
Can’t manage, the damage
Look at me
I’m lil minecart
Sittin here at half heart
Rippin’ off a phat shart
Lookin like some modern art
I be dumb smart
But here’s the bad part

I got chlamydia

I got problems! Yeah, big ass problems
But you know that I ain’t about to solve em
Mined too far, now I hit rock bottom
Got so many diamonds, but nobody here to stock em
Issues! Yeah thick ass issues!
Always tellin truth ain't about the fuckin fake news
Hella blue balled, never gettin any dick use
Just like my songs, I gotta drop a phat deuce

Yo, gotta get back on the whores
Shit mom, I ain't got time for chores
Lil minecart here breakin down doors
Been in the mines, now I got too much ore
Call it golden shower, I’m startin the hour
I got so much IQ now im runnin outta brain power
Cock sour, superpowered, you covered like a cell tower
(semen)
I’m lit like glowstone
Spit into this microphone
I be failin spanish class
I should use rosetta stone
Gettin bad grades
But passin all these tests
How the fuck I get aids
From feelin up yo mother’s breast
STD, don’t test me
Knock you out like KO
1,2,3
But i’m weak, (true) I don’t work out
Arms floppy, (yup) and I don’t got clout
Rhymes sloppy, (affirmative) but I don’t doubt
Press copy rhymezone, them I’m out

I got problems! Yeah, big ass problems
But you know that I ain’t about to solve em
Mined too far, now I hit rock bottom
Got so many diamonds, but nobody here to stock em
Pickle, I’m in a big ass pickle!
Chargin dimes for sex but I only gotta nickel
Emotions like gravel, yeah they hella fickle
Hurt so bad, fishin rod in my dick hole

You guys ever just beat your meat and your hand gets stuck to your dick? Yea me neither. The fuck right

Just last week tried to get some logs
My hand missed and I slapped a dog
Chomped me on my left knee
Pants soaked with wet pee
Fucked him in the butt
Gotta call it beastiality
Head filled with lettuce
But I don’t eat vegetables
Autism be genetic
But it ain't the cause of all my troubles
All these girls around me
But they ain't attractable
I’m just a nice guy
This is unacceptable
Minecraft skills respectable
Social skills compatible
Yet I got no girlfriend
Cuz of tiny genitals
All my fans swarmin like mobs
Too many to count
Worship me like a god
Your bitch I mount
Gonna ride her like a pig
With a carrot and saddle
Don’t challenge me
To an Epic Rap Battle
One time I gotta date (really)
Call her a trap chest
Took off her shirt (ooh)
Suspiciously small breast
Pulled down her pants (nice)
She had a dick (oh)
Turns out her real name was Rick (OOF)

Moral of the story
Don’t assume genders
Can’t think of a rhyme
Chicken tenders
(OUT)