[JOANNE & MARK]
The samples won't delay
But the cable—
There's another way
Say something, anything
Test, one, two, three
Anything but that
This is weird
It's weird
Very weird
Fucking weird
I'm so mad that I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off, I'm with you
Feel like going insane
Got a fire in your brain
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
As a matter of fact—

[MARK]
Honey, I know this act
It's called the Tango Maureen
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling
[JOANNE & MARK]
You're wrong
Your heart, she is mangling
It's different with me
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound
I think I know what you mean

[JOANNE & MARK]
The Tango Maureen

[JOANNE & MARK]
Has she ever pouted her lips and called you "Pookie?"
Never
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two? This is spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
Every time, so be cautious
Did she moon over other boys?
More than moon
I'm getting nauseous

[JOANNE, spoken & MARK, spoken]
Where'd you learn to tango?
With the French ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's
And you?
With Nanette Himmelfarb, the rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center
It's hard to do this backwards
You should try it in heels
[JOANNE & MARK]
She cheated
She cheated
Maureen cheated
Fucking cheated
I'm defeated, I should give up right now
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might
I'd fall for her still anyhow

[JOANNE & MARK]
When you're dancing her dance, you don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance makes you fall

[JOANNE & MARK]
So you think, "Might as well dance a tango to hell

[MARK & JOANNE]
At least I'll have tangoed at all"
The Tango Maureen, gotta dance 'til your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
'Cause in the end, you can't leave her
But the end, it will come
Still, you have to play dumb
'Til you're glum and you bum and turn blue
[JOANNE, MARK, & Both]
Why do we love when she's mean?
And she can be so obscene
My Maureen
The Tango Maureen