Natalie Portman
Natalie’s Rap
[Intro: Natalie Portman & Chris Parnell]
We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.
So Natalie, what's a day in the life of Natalie Portman like?
Do you really want to know?
Please, tell us.

[Verse 1: Natalie Portman, The Lonely Island, Seth Meyers]
I don't sleep, motherf**ker; off that 'gnac and the durban
Doin' 120, gettin' head while I'm swervin'
Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick
Yo, shut the f**k up and suck my d**k!
I bust in dudes' mouths like Gushers motherf**ker
Roll up on NBC and smack the sh*t outta Jeff Zucker
What you want Natalie? To drink and fight!
What you need Natalie? To f**k all night!
Don't test me when I'm crazy off that airplane glue
Put my foot down your throat 'til your sh*t's in my shoe
Leave you screamin', pay for my dry-cleanin'
F**k your man, it's my name that he's screamin'!

[Interlude: Natalie Portman & Chris Parnell]
I'm sorry Natalie, are we to believe that you condone driving while intoxicated?
I never said that I was a role model.
But, what about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
[Verse 2: Natalie Portman & The Lonely Island]
All the kids looking up to me can suck my d**k
It's Portman, motherf**ker, drink 'til I'm sick
Slit your throat and pour nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry; while I laugh, you die
And all the dudes, you know I'm talkin' to you
We love you Natalie! I wanna f**k you too!
P! Is for Portman! P! It's for pu**y!
I'll kill your f**kin' dog for fun, so don't push me!

[Interlude: Natalie Portman & Chris Parnell]
Well Natalie, I'm surprised, all this from a Harvard graduate?
Well, there's a lot you may not know about me.
Really, such as?

[Verse 3: Natalie Portman]
When I was in Harvard I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test and snorted all the yay
I got a def posse, you got a bunch of dudes
I'll sit right down on your face and take a sh*t!

[Bridge: Andy Samberg & Natalie Portman]
Natalie, you are a bada** b*t*h (Hell yeah!)
And I'll always pay for your dry-cleaning
When my sh*t gets in your shoe (What!)
And as for the drug use, well I can vouch for that
My d**k is scared of you, girl
[Interlude: Natalie Portman & Chris Parnell]
Okey-doke. Natalie, one final question: If you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood who would it- [*chair slam*]
No more questions.

[Outro: Natalie Portman]