[Intro: Jimmy Donn & King Gordy]
I think this is a good spot right fucking here. What do you think?
It's perfect man cause I gotta piss like a motherfucker. And those trees need some fertilization, hahaha
Just hurry back man I don't wanna do this one alone again
Bro I told you, I needed to see if you had what it takes to do it by yo'self n***a. Plus I was right around the corner listening in case shit went sideways. Now shut the fuck up, prop up the hood of the car and wait 'til I get back
Yes Lord Vader sir, motherfucker
I think we buried a body over here once bro. I can smell something nasty as fuck over here, fuck
You're thinking of that bitch that we buried down by the river remember. That's your small ass dick you're smelling
Nope, that's your girlfriends stank ass mouth. She sucked my dick this morning you Klansman looking motherfucker
You Klansman looking motherfucker, fuck you man
There's a fucking mini-van coming, get ready bro
Been ready, now zip up your shit and get the fuck over here
Okay, you got the hatchets on right?
Of course
Then we're all set. Maybe you should get out and act like you're fixing the motor or something. We in the woods, no one is going to pull over if they see my black ass. Plus you look like pussy-ass white boy anyway
You're mouth is a pussy faggot
Just do it and hurry
Fine, ugh
Hey, looks like these guys are having some car trouble
Don't you dare stop!
He probably just needs a jump, that's all
He's a big guy and all tattooed up. And look there's a black guy in the passenger seat
If not we'll call some help for him, either way we will be fine
Uh, I don't know about this
This is how every scary movie starts you know that right?
I think she's right, I'm not even getting a signal out here anyways
Everything is going to be alright, you just watch and see. Hey fellas, looks like you're having some car troubles. Anything I can do to help?
I think we got it, just a little overheating that's all. But we appreciate you stopping
See, nothing to worry about
Actually sir, there is one thing you can help us with
It would be my pleasure (aahhhh)
Would you be so kind as to turn the van off, get out and lay face down on the road?
Okay whatever you say buddy, just don't hurt my family, please
If you listen, no one will get hurt. Vader check their pockets and purses, I'm gonna check the van
I'm already on it (aahhhhh). And tell your wife to shut the fuck up before I turn her brains into fucking raw hamburger
Hey Gordy, looks like we got ourselves a cop here. He works for the Saint Paul police department and he's a special investigator
Fuck you know what that means right Jimmy?
I do
*groans of agony* *4 gunshots*
Man I fucking hate this bullshit, now we need to dispose of these fucking bodies. I wanted to be home watching Wheel of Fortune or some shit. You know that shit that comes on at six p.m. Jimmy?
Why? This'll be all over the news right? Let's spread a little terror in the city, let's make upside down crosses and pentagrams in their blood and write the word pigs on their windshield. Make the police think it's part of some satanic cult or something. Hahahahaha
Fucking brilliant (right). Now get over here and help me cut this bitches fingers off (for sure). It's like she got arthritis and her knuckles swelled up (hahahah). Can't get the fucking ring off
[Outro]
It was at that moment the killing spree of 2019 had begun. King Gordy and Jimmy Donn went on to kill thousands of people that winter. This is How to Gag a Maggot. Ahahahahahahaha