(Spoken Intro)
[TAYLOR SWIFT]
Thank you, thank you. Oh, thank you so much. It's great to be here hosting Saturday Night Live. I have wanted to host this show ever since I was a little kid. I stayed up past my bedtime to watch Bill Hader, Andy Samberg

Being here is incredible. I'm excited and I'm nervous and y'know, whenever I'm feeling strong emotions about something like this, I usually write a song about it. So this is what I came up with. It's called "Monologue Song." In parentheses, "La La La."

(Song)
I like glitter and sparkly dresses
But I'm not gonna talk about that in my monologue
I like baking and things that smell like winter
But I'm not gonna talk about that in my monologue
La la la
La la la

I like writing songs about douchebags who cheat on me
But I'm not gonna say that in my monologue
I like writing their names into songs so they're ashamed to go in public
But I'm not gonna say that in my monologue

La la la la la la la
This is my musical monologue

You might think I'd bring up Joe, the guy that broke up with me on the phone
But I'm not gonna mention him in my monologue
Hey Joe, I'm doin' real well. Tonight I'm hosting SNL
But I'm not gonna write about that in my monologue
La la la
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha la la la
And if you're wondering if I might be dating the werewolf from Twilight
I'm not gonna comment on that in my monologue
La la la la la la la
This is my musical monologue

You might be expecting me to say something bad about Kanye
And how he ran up stage and ruined my VMA monologue
But there's nothing to more to say, 'cause everything's okay
I've got security lining the stage
At my SNL monologue
La la la la la la la
This is my SNL monologue

[TAYLOR SWIFT AND BODYGUARDS]
La la la la la la la
That was my SNL monologue

(Spoken Outro)
[TAYLOR SWIFT]
We have a great show. Kanye West is not here, so stick around, we'll be right back