Hey children, gather round and listen to whatever I say
Take the words in and follow me
I'm gonna tell you about what you should follow today
The church of Scientology

So sit down, look we have this great religion you should try it
Just pay us a few hundred bucks
We give you a personality test to see what you admit
We wish you the best of luck

Now get down and say that you believe in Xenu
And your body thetans too
Praise L. Ron Hubbard, who's told us that life
Is worth living as long as you pay up

It's not science fiction
Though our founder wrote some
Our church is called the study of truth
And Scientology will make you happy
With Scientology you will see
And Scientology will show you the way
As long as you pay, you can't go wrong

(children)
Our thetan levels are way too high so we joined the church and
Now we feel more happy
We were depressed but L Ron Hubbard took us all by the hand
Thank you, Scientology
And now we know the truth, the frozen souls are trapped inside us
That's why many people feel down
The people here we know are people that us children can trust
It's the best religion around

We get down and we say that we believe in Xenu
And our body thetans too
Praise L. Ron Hubbard, who's told us that life
Is worth living as long as you pay up

It's not science fiction
Though our founder wrote some
Our church is called the study of truth
And Scientology makes us feel happy
With Scientology we do see
And Scientology, it shows us the way
As long as we pay, we can't go wrong

Now get down and say that you believe in Xenu
And your body thetans too
Praise L. Ron Hubbard, who's told us that life
Is worth living as long as you pay up

It's not science fiction
Though our founder wrote some
Our church is called the study of truth
And Scientology will make you happy
With Scientology you will see
And Scientology will show you the way
As long as you pay, you can't go wrong
And Scientology will make you happy
With Scientology you will see
And Scientology will show you the way
As long as you pay, you can't go wrong