[Round 1: James Corden]
Am I supposed to be afraid of Riz 'cause he raps?
His lyrics lack depth, just like when he acts
You might recognize him from some TV shows
Or not at all if you don't pay for HBO
On Girls this season, he taught Lena how to surf
But you're drowning tonight, Riz, 'cause you're on my turf
This is a bloodbath, it's not a fair fight
It's like you were overbooked on a United Air flight

[Round 1: Riz Ahmed]
I speak the truth, you're a liar
He's like Sean Spicer mixed with a singing Uber driver
James and I are from the same place on the map
That's how I know he just stole Graham Norton's act
I'm a bit confused with the show he's sellin'
He sings and dances cute — isn't that Ellen?
Look at you, I bet you think you're great
But your chat show's so late, bruv, nobody's awake

[Round 2: James Corden]
I know ruining a Star Wars is seen as unlawful
But here's a Rogue One spoiler: in it, he's awful
Honestly, it's mean to say in Star Wars he stinks
He made me miss the days of Jar Jar Binks
Your sex scene in Girls might need an acting class
You didn't have to get naked to show us that you're an ass
The Night Of, it's a murder mystery, right?
Well, there's no mystery here, because I'm killing you tonight!
[Round 2: Riz Ahmed]
Yeah, I did do Star Wars, I bet that made you mad
Too bad they weren't trying to cast Jabba the Hutt's dad
Yeah, I had Lena's baby; it was fun
I was on Girls, but you've never touched one
Your favorite football team's West Ham United
He heard the word "ham" and he just got mad excited
You're not an MC, you'll beg me to let you down gently
I wouldn't stop this war if Kendall Jenner brought out Pepsis

[Round 3: James Corden]
Riz just played at Coachella; that's very cool, man
You rapped for teenagers wearing flower headbands
He was on Girls to try to spice up the plot
Now Girls is off-air — you connect the dots
You were in Jason Bourne and you played Matt's enemy
It's funny, no one who saw it knew YOUR identity!
He acts, he tracks, he never will hit
He's basically the world's worst version of Will Smith

[Round 3: Riz Ahmed]
Yeah, I'm dressed like Will Smith, I get love in Miami
The most musical you got is falling over at the Grammys
You brought up Jason Bourne, that makes you a sucker
You look like Matt Damon if he only ate butter
You think you're clever, but you're vacant
When he left for the States, we were like, "Yo, please take him"
Your flows are broke, your jokes on the mic are spent
I saw you at Coachella; you were the big white tent, right?