[Verse 1]
Lopsided is how I'd describe you
Your mother never wrote me a check
You move around the scene with impunity
You’ve got a couple years left at best
Well, we counted and the votes are in
You're vicious and draconian
You're always at the top of the list

[Chorus]
Let’s have a celebration in your name
And damn you with the highest praise
A standing ovation
You've earned it
You took all our goodwill and you burned it
Kudos to those friends who stick it through
But I wouldn't be your friend if you paid me to
To

[Verse 2]
Radio static
And monochromatic
We know you're on the television box
Your money is working hard
All my friends say you're a star
If it sounds like a metaphor, it's not
Such a greedy little raven
Hoarding coins in your collection
And I'd love to see them scatter to the wind
[Chorus]
Let's have a celebration in your name
And damn you with the highest praise
A standing ovation
You’ve earned it
You took all our goodwill and you burned it
Kudos to those friends who stick it through
But I wouldn’t be your friend if you paid me to
To

[spoken]
We are very disappointed in your behavior, young lady

[Chorus]
Let's have a celebration in your name
And damn you with the highest praise
A standing ovation
You’ve earned it
You took all our goodwill and you burned it
(Burned it!)
Kudos to those friends who stick it through
But I wouldn't be your friend if you paid me to
To