[Verse 1]
We're on the couch, curled up
We've been watching Bambi
It's come to the sad scene
You feel my limbs tense up
I thank God I'm manly
Don't need to show empathy

[Pre-Chorus]
You ask how I feel, I come out in a rash
How can this be? I ate no shell-fash
You say, "Just open up,” I sneeze right in your face
Don't speak another word, girl
I'm allergic to my emotions
(ah-choo)

[Chorus]
Oh, baby
You've mistaken me
For someone who can process his emotions
I'm shaking
Anaphylactically
At the thought of being psychically open

[Verse 3]
Emotions make you nuts
They’re containing traces
I'm itching voraciously
I keep my lid locked shut
It's healthy and spacious
Repressing capriciously
[Pre-Chorus]
But there's so many feels I know I should express
Grab you by the hand and take a deep breath
Feel a sudden warmth rushing through my whole chest
Oh, wait, that's inflammation
I'm allergic to my emotions
(ah-choo)

[Chorus]
Oh, baby
You've mistaken me
For a guy who won't get hives from being open
Don't make me
Speak emotionally
Unless you've got a dermatotic lotion

[Outro]
You say you don't believe that
Emotions can cause allergies
Now you're googling a pollen count meter
And it's off the charts today
Wait, you're telling me my feeling hayfever
Is caused by actual hay?
Oh, man, that's a big relief, yeah
My allergies are separate from my emotional incompetence
I'm so relieved that my immunosensitivity is unrelated to my shitty communicative abilities
(ah-choo)