(Dos, Uno, Tres)

Washin' some spuds
Choppin' them up
Cookin' my lunch
(Jansson's frestelse)
Swedish casserole
But while I'm chopping
I drop a chunk and
It makes me stoppen
(What in the hellse)
It switched my bluetooth on

Did you know
That you can control your phone
With a piece of potato
Did they mean
For my LCD screen
To be responsive to a root vegetable
What's the point of this functionality?
Are they catering for potates with opposable thumbs that can read?
I can't help thinking that must be a pretty limited market

But wait
Now my brain is all like
Maybе the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook
Is secrеtly a potato disguised as a human
Who's worked his way up into the boardroom
And he keeps trying to pitch features that are specifically geared towards potatoes, and he's like
Greetings fellow humans
And they're like, I hate how he starts every meeting like that. Typical corporate exec, he can't remember anyone's name. And he's like
I've got an idea for an app
Okay, well does it have broad appeal? Because, honestly, most of your ideas have been unworkably specific
Have you heard of Uber?
Have we... have we heard of Uber? The most downloaded ride hailing app in the world? Yes I think most of
I'm just spit-balling here, but what about 'Tuber'
What's tuber?
An app that matches tuberous roots for the purpose of getting freaky asexually
Again, I'm not sure there's a demographic for this. You know, it's kind of like your app for destroying all the peelers. Also as CEO you shouldn't really be pitching apps at all. It's, it's really more of a sales and operations role

Did you know
That you can control your phone
With a piece of potato
Have you seen
If it touches the screen
You can personal hotspot enable
(What a lucky vegetable)
What a random bit of functionality
(How strange)
I wonder how that happened
Hahaha, it's a real mystery
No I don't think that someone could have tampered with the schematics