[Verse 1]
We're all slaves to the time
They call it a watch
'Cause it watches our lives slip by
Don't fact check that online
Now you're lying there in bed and
You find yourself setting the
Same alarm to wake you up
At 07:09
To catch that 7:36 (Service to Stoke)
Do you maybe wanna give yourself
Just slightly more time
Oh wow! hmm, gee, let me think

[Chorus]
I would rather die
Than be awake for the
Nine extra minutes
That I know would make me on time
I would rather
Dive into a vat full of live bees
Than conceptualise
Being that organised
I would rather die (I'd rather try to make love to a fire)
Die (I'd rather take a bath with my hairdryer)
Die
[Verse 2]
I don't fear sacrifice, don't make me a martyr
Don't worship me just because
I would lay down my life
To avoid getting up from the sofa
To reach for the remote and
Every time I'm sending out
An e-mail I see
A little tag at the end
Saying: 'Sent from my iPhone'
And every time I stop
Then I highlight and delete it
I'm sure there is a straightforward fix

[Chorus]
But I would rather lick ice
With both my balls in a vice
Than find the setting on my phone
Which would turn it off
I'd rather have my nephew's
Diaper as a drink
Than be slightly forward-thinking
Or nice to future me at all
I would rather die (The zebra crossing's just a bit too far)
Die (I'd rather cross at this blind corner part)
Die (It's worth the risk of getting hit by—)
[Bridge]
So you've made it up to heaven, now
You can laze it up, you'll never
Have to look ahead with prophetic vision
To see the future stress
You might get from the present
Decision that you're making
Now let's get that booty through the pearly gates, man
All you have to do to pass into the realm
Of the deep forever
Is give your true opinion
On the haircut I just gave ya

[Outro]
I would rather die
Than tell a stranger that
I am not quite sure if I like
The way they cut my hairs
I would rather
Deny myself the Eternal Life
Than have to suffer that minor
Present awkwardness
I would rather die
I would rather die
I would rather die