[Republicans]
Murmuring

[Mitch McConnell]
Enough! We've heard enough!
Our party is at a gridlock
We need to channel the Mighty One
The Great Communicator, the Teflon God

[Ben Carson]
But sir, we haven't done that in years

[Mitch McConnell]
It's time

[Republicans]
Novus ordo Reaganomics seclorum
We, the Chosen, the gatekeepers of the realm
Channel the spirit of the Great One
E pluribus jelly bean man unum

[Ronald Reagan]
Reagan has risen

[Republicans (murmuring)]
Wow, it’s him...
Wow...
[Ronald Reagan]
Well, you guys look like you've seen a ghost
Sure took you long enough
Kick it, uh, uh
With so much drama in the RNC
It's kinda hard to be the face of the GOP
What? But somehow, someway
I've resurrected, so it's time to give ol' Gipper the update

[Mitch McConnell]
Well, things are pretty good, not too much to report
We have control of the majority in the Supreme Court
We even have the Senate where I sit with my crown
Honestly, Sir Reagan, I think you'd be proud

[Lindsey Graham]
I'm so glad we've resurrected you from your tomb
We made a giant leap like Americans on the moon
The Republicans are strong; an elephant to a mule
But we still haven't addressed the elephant in the room

[Mitt Romney]
Um, I'll do it
I’m tired of having to hold my tongue
The Dems won back the House and now there’s more to come
In desperation, we've created the Fuhrer Trump
There was a Black president, now there's an orange one
[Republicans]
Mr. Reagan, can't you hear us? Mr. Reagan, won’t you help?
The path has turned so murky, now we must define ourselves
Mr. Reagan, what's the forecast? Mr. Reagan, what's the move?
Should we follow Trump just like we follow you?

[Ronald Reagan]
Boys, make like the founders, and just settle down
Whatever the issue, Daddy's here to figure out
You keep saying his name, I wanna know about Trump
Well, the next election's coming, how's he holding the front?

[Mitt Romney]
I'd rather go back to Barack Obama
Than this twit-fit nitwit who's got no honor
We went from Reaganomics to breaking promises, stayin' lawless
I feel ashamed of my party, pray for a way to stop it
Freedom used to be part of our zeitgeist, baby
Now with immigration control, he thinks he's ICE, ICE, baby
Mr. Reagan, there's no world where you should endorse him
And that's the truth, right hand on the Book of Mormon

[Lindsey Graham]
C'mon, Mitt, get off your high horse for two minutes
You're just mad that Trump won the election and you didn't
Even though you're Republican, I didn't want you
It's my tea party, and I'll cry if I want to
You've been weak for years, your message is feeble
I won't have you come here to say the president's evil
I've changed my mind to do what's best for my people
The Trump show is on, and we're set for a sequel
[Mitch McConnell, Republicans]
That's right, tell 'em, Linds, our loyalty's strong
Trump's as American as the golf course soil he's on
Anyone who tries to impeach him, I'll tell 'em, "Go to Hell!"
They're saying I'm a turtle, well, I'm comin' out my shell
Sure, Trump's a little bit crude, but dammit, this is his hour
He gives Republicans what we need, and that thing is power
We got judges sittin' on the bench (True)
Senators runnin' the nation (Woo)
The law is swift, but justice is patient

[Susan Collins, Mitch McConnell]
Ronald, it's like all the old American values died (Ow!)
And Trump and his cronies wrote the how-to guide
He's cruel, indecent, corrupt, we have to acknowledge this
Basic respect; it should transcend politics

[Mike Pence]
You old Harper Collins — Mr. Reagan, please excuse me
We need to ride this out, we need to show unity

[Mitt Romney (in French accent)]
He's an orange pumpkin with poor judgement; I tweet it, I meant it
No moral compass with foreign countries obscructing the Senate
Someone needs to grab this disrespectful pussy; never let go

[Ronald Reagan]
Say huh?

[Mitt Romney (in French accent)]
C'est moi, Pierre Delecto

[Susan Collins]
You don't believe me? I'm not the only advocate
Look at all the people he's fired — Unleash the Cabinet!

[Cabinet: James Comey, Sarah Sanders, Steve Linick, Anthony Scaramucci, & Sean Spicer]
We come from the Cabinet of people Trump has fired
Well, actually, just five of them, there's 70 more inside it
We all came to Washington excited and inspired
Then found out on our Twitter feeds that our time expired

[Rudy Giuliani]
Well, I, for one, think this administration's a safe bet
The president hasn't fired me!

[Cabinet]
Yet!

[Rudy Giuliani]
No, Trump's a stellar friend and a stand-up man
And if he dares to double-cross me, I have a backup plan

[Ronald Reagan]
Enough!
Did anyone invite Donald Trump to this meeting?
I'd like to hear what he has to say

[Donald Trump]
Hey, everyone, it's me; I would've been more on time
But I figured I'd rather just skip moron time
Woah, it's really him! I try to walk in Reagan's shoes
Hello, Ronald, I'm Donald, and I'm famous, too
We're cut from the same cloth, I relate to you
I mean, every time I tweet, I think, "What would Reagan do?"

[Ronald Reagan]
Huh, "What would Reagan do?" Well, here's some things to address:
What's "fake news?" I encouraged freedom of press
It's my young apprentice who acts like he knows business
Tell me, do you serve your country or only your own interests?

[Donald Trump]
Eh, who get the economy stacking cash? Me!
Who confronted China on their tariff tax? Me!
Who's the least racist and brought jobs back for blacks? Me!
Who had Kanye rockin' a MAGA hat? Me!

[Ronald Reagan]
Have I ever heard of a Kanye who? No!
I won the popular vote — Hm, did you? No!
And 44 states! Did you do that, too? No!
One more thing to ask — Is that your statue? No!

[Donald Trump]
I came to clean up Washington, get a mop a broom
You made money selling arms, I made an economic boom
Jobs are through the roof, screw trying to get us out of debt
I got in office and made it rain, there's your trickle-down effect

[James Comey]
Like your pee tape—

[Ronald Reagan]
Settle down, Comey, I got this
I put America first, made the forefront the Union
Made us a superpower without the shortcuts you're using
Daddy War-Trump, presidency born from collusion
I ended the Cold War, you just warmed up to Putin

[Donald Trump]
Fake news! I didn't need help with my campaign
Neither did you, I mean, you could never deal with AIDS
Questioning my foreign policy? That's not the right perception
Who was selling violent weapons that lead to 9/11? You!

[Ronald Reagan]
You're only here 'cause of Russia and voter suppression
Plus, you stole my slogan like you stole the election
You really gave it that old Reagan spin to win when you said
"Let's make America great again!" again

[Donald Trump]
Screw you, Ronald, I thought birds of a feather flock together
Presidential harassment! They'll never credit my efforts!
See, I could rule forever like I'm Nebuchadnezzar
And take my place as the best Republican president ever

[Ronald Reagan, Donald Trump]
We've all heard about your creepy sexual advantages
Is that what you mean by presidential harassment?
I took a bullet like Lincoln and Kennedy with the top down (Blah, blah, blah!)
While you play the victim when an idea gets shot down

[Donald Trump]
The Reagan ghost is against me?
First ever ghost witch hunt!
I cut the back nine short for this?
Pence, wedge salad!

[Ronald Reagan]
Sigh
There you go again
His presidential seat is a waste of a chair
The State of Union's a sad state of affairs
In my time, we fought for peace and prosperity
What kind of legacy will he leave in posterity?
But we've made it through darker times, as a party, as a union
If you can conjure my spirit, you can conjure a solution
I must leave now, you know how my magic is summoned
But conjure me back if he ever has his hand on the button

America, promise me one thing:
Vote