[Intro: Simon, Friends]
[laughter]
Hello!
Hey, Simon!
Hi!
Yahhō Simon
Hello
Hi Simon
Hello-
Hi Simon (simon)
Drinks soda nearby and throws it up
Ew— oh god…


[Part 1: Announcer, Gene, Simon]
…down in the Tampa Bay end. Puck is up, Marner has it along the wall, up to Tavaris. Tavaris has it, he gets it back into the— he shoots, HE SCORES! It's a goal, he blows it by Vasilevskiy over the top corner and right now it looks like the Leafs are going to make it to the second round for the first time in a millenia!

Hey, Simon, you grabbing a hot dog today?
Not today, Gene. Got somewhere I need to be
Alright, have a good one

[Part 2: Simon, Cashier, ?]
One octopus tentacle, please
Octopus… tentacle? Yeah, that'll be uh 250, please
Simon, what's good man?
…Goodbye
[Part 3: Children, Child 1, Child 2, Simon]
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear [unintelligible]—
Happy birthday—
Ew, what is that?
Get out of here with that tentacle, you fucking weirdo
Haha, sorry to bother— Ah! Ah! Ah!

[Part 4: Various, Simon, Slot Machine]
Hey, Simon!
Hello
Hey Simon!
Hey
Hey, what's good, Simon!
Hi

Come on baby, six sevens, six sevens— (you got it!)
SIX SEVENS! YEAH WOO-HOO-HOO!

[Part 5: Restaurant Owner, Simon]
Buenos días, Simon (wha?)
Hello
Bienvenido al restaurante de carne asada. ¿Quieres algo de… carne asada?
It looks so good! Another time absolutely
Yo sé que lo quieres
[Part 6: Chef, Simon]
Oh, yes, master Simon, please, come with me
(Oh god, I'm so excited!)
Our octopi undergo a six-week intensive in Hokkaido in which they work heavily with our coordinators to internalize the beauty of their sacrifice, marinated in Napa Valley extra virgin olive oil, slow-poached, rubbed with our signature smokey jerk paste and seasoned with habanero peppers imported from Lima and spices from our jardin.
Each tentacle is massaged for upwards of six hours before doors open, and upon order is freshly grilled over barrels staves until charred, plated with our award-winning roast carrot romesco on a bed of sushi rice (or sumeshi), and topped with a six-piece rarity gem mollusk caviar
And today, master Simon, you will be experiencing: Thomas

This smells so good...
Your bill, sir

[Part 7: Simon, [?]]
…hahahahaha!
Please, tell me more about yourself
Yeah, so I just kind of sit here and mow lawns I guess. I just replaced my ignition coil, so this baby's been running smooth all morning!
Wow! Man, good for you! That's really something special

[Part 8: Various]
[?]
Hi Simon
Hey, Simon!
Hey Simon!
[?]
Hey, Simon!
Yahhō Simon
Hi Simon
Hi Simon
[?]
…grabbing a hot dog…​
[?]
[Part 9: Simon, Impala]
Ah, yes! So sorry— Hello
They're growing faster than we expected
Is that a… problem? Has anything like this even happened before?
It has. And it never ends well. Humans aren't built to hold vacuums to begin with. It is only a matter of time before they lose themselves
You know, love all the effort they put into the octopus, but they really should just do it raw. Like this!
Do you really have to eat that like an animal?
Haha, you realize you look like a big stupid—
I have to move you into Larry's instrument
I didn't know you could just… move us around like… that. Is— is that safe? Is that what you want me to do?
Do whatever you can to stop them. It has something to do with those tapes
How do I know I'm not going to end up like… the others?
Our connection is strong enough for me to pull you back. Even after you've been absorbed.​
Okay. I just want to get Rob and Claire back
Wonderful. Let's get started
AH— UH— AAAAA

[Outro: Larry, Simon]
Hello Simon

Six