[Intro]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[Verse]
I've been making all these songs 'cause this shit been helping
I don't really talk 'bout shit, not telling
People tryna act like they know how I'm feeling
Late at night crying on my knees, I'm kneeling
Spark one up just to stop my thoughts
My emotions on the shelf, n***a, know they unreeling
I don't ever talk about shit 'cause I don't want anyone to worry about me
I've been tryna distract myself from everything in front of my eyes and keep it lowkey
But it's hard when you're stuck with your thoughts at night
When you battlin' with fuckin' fight or flight
And when people see you, it's a stereotype
Think my light going out likе a firefly
And this burden, it's heavy, know it ain't light
I don't want no onе saying they want my life
I've been working my ass off, know this shit did not come in a day, no, it's not overnight
When I do shit I love, n***as say that it sucks
But then when I make shit that I hate, no, it's never enough
'Cause I wanna blow up, but this shit not for me
In a hotel crying whenever I be touring
'Cause I don't know what the fuck I wanna be
I don't the fuck n***as expect of me
Tryna fill up a hole in my heart, in my body, my chest, I've been tryna close this cavity
I can say I got closure and say, "I'm okay," but I know that I'm not, I know that I'm empty
I'm just tryna keep this shit pushing for all of my fans and my family, you know how it be
I can say that I'm whole, but I'm not even half
Of the damn person I was before all these tracks
I don't put shit in the past
Putting this happiness on my face, that shit's a mask
I make a song in one night, next day, I delete the song 'cause I hate my damn voice
I've never been fucking confident in myself ever since I was a lil' fucking boy
So when people say that my music, it sucks and it's mid, n***a, that shit get to me, destroys
The small amount of myself that was believing in me, n***a, this shit feel like it's a toy
This shit a game, I don't even want all this fame
Sometimes I feel like a lame, stay in my lane
Wan' go to sleep and never wake up, don't wanna do this again
People think I'm insane, but I just be speaking my thoughts and emotions into my damn mic
If I take one more hit of this blunt, I just hope I go to sleep, don't wake up tonight
Sometimes when I smoke, wish it'd kill me
Always quiet in public, no one know the real me
I know my scars are not healing
'Cause I'm chasing impossible, the fucking feeling of being fucking happy
For more than a day at a time
Before I look right back in the past, I wish I could go back, I wish I could rewind
To the time where I never made music
To the time where I wasn't foolish, wasn't stupid
Talking about, "Open up," but I know that I need to listen to myself, need to use my own damn advice
[Outro]
Hope that I succumb to vices every fucking night
I've been looking at my phone, this shit is fucking devilish, I hate this fucking device
People want talk to me like they my friends, but I know that they ain't ever gon' treat me real nice
In fuckin' person, because they only want the money, they only care about the damn price