Original Broadway Cast of Hands on a Hardbody
If She Don’t Sleep
[DON]
You try to find a job that pays
Wait around for better days
Life can wear you down
And that's a fact
But we always come up fightin'
And life is plain excitin'
Cause her and me
We got this little pact

If she don't sleep, then I don't sleep

[JANIS]
If he don't eat, then I don't eat

[DON]
And life is sweet, with six kids almost grown

[JANIS]
It's true we may not have a lot

[DON]
If I got squat, then she got squat

[BOTH]
But we don't have to go through it alone
[DON]
If you write her off, then you'll regret it
You don't see the woman that I see!
She's stronger than most people give her credit
Plus, she's got her secret weapon: me!

(spoken)
I told her, "Janis, you gotta get used to long hours in the heat. You been sittin' under the air conditioner!" And she's spoiled, on account of I got a twenty-ton unit on my home. Most people's is three-ton, at most. But me? I got a twenty!

[BOTH]
Twenty tons of air!
The biggest thing you've ever seen!

[DON]
It used to cool a K-Mart
That went bust in Abilene!

[BOTH]
It'll bring our house to twelve below
And you can see your breath!

[JANIS]
And we found it pretty quickly
It'll freeze a pet to death!

[DON]
I couldn't pass the unit up
It was too good a buy!
But unless she got used to this heat
I knew Janis would die
[JANIS]
He knew that I would die

[DON]
Every time she stepped outside
She got read as a turnip
So I had to turn the unit off
So she wouldn't burn up!

If she ain't cool

[JANIS]
If he ain't cool

[DON]
Then I ain't cool!

[JANIS]
Then I ain't cool!

[BOTH]
You'd be a fool to do this on your own

[DON]
If she don't cry, then I don't cry
Long as she's happy, so am I!
And she don't have to go through this alone
[BOTH]
Oh, we don't have to go through this alone