Unfunny uncles who insist
In trying on a lady's hat
--Oh, even if the joke falls flat
we share your slight transvestite twist

In spite of our embarrassment
Costume and custom are complex
The headgear of the other sex
Inspires us to experiment

Anandrous aunts, who, at the beach
With paper plates upon your laps
Keep putting on the yachtsmen's caps
With exhibitionistic screech

The visors hanging o'er the ear
So that the golden anchors drag
--The tides of fashion never lag
Such caps may not be worn next year

Or you who don the paper plate
Itself, and put some grapes upon it
Or sport the Indian's feather bonnet
--Perversities may aggravate

The natural madness of the hatter
And if the opera hats collapse
And crowns grow draughty, then, perhaps
He thinks what might a miter matter?
Unfunny uncle, you who wore a
Hat too big, or one too many
Tell us, can't you, are there any
Stars inside your black fedora?

Aunt exemplary and slim
With avernal eyes, we wonder
What slow changes they see under
Their vast, shady, turned-down brim