[Verse 1]
Happy hour belongs to America's best-loved thugs
Here come the four-wheel drive prosthetic penises
Got your gun racks, tractor tires, and lynch mob drivers
We couldn't find a chick to sit in the middle
So, we drink ourselves sick
Lean out the windows, and pinch ass instead

[Chorus]
We are the Goons of Hazzard
Glorified on your TV
We run down bikes and hitchhikers
'Cause we know we'll get off scot-free

[Verse 2]
We're the vigilante heroes of your tough-guy flicks
Bashing punks and bums and fags
With our baseball bats
No deer to blow away in the woods today
So, we go to Oroville and shoot a Black kid down
Or waste demonstrators in Greensboro instead

[Chorus]
We are the Goons of Hazzard
Glorified on your TV
We leave you in a pool of blood
'Cause we know we'll get off scot-free
[Interlude]

[Bridge]
Get him
Get him
C'mere
C'mere
Say something to me?
We've got him cornered
We've got him cornered
Is anybody looking?
Does anybody even care?
No!
Yes!

[Verse 3]
Local papers paint us up to be big heroes
City fathers and Chamber of Commerce want us deputized
The stoner Gestapo keepin' your town clean
Get a shave, kid
We'll pay you as a strikebreaker
Maybe you'll make Tac Squad for the LAPD

[Chorus]
We are the Goons of Hazzard
Glorified on your TV
We leave you in a pool of blood
'Cause we know we'll get off scot-free
[Outro]
Free
Scot-free
Scot-free
We always get off
We always get off
We always get off free!