[Verse 1]
Went to a party, I danced all night
I drank sixteen beers and I started up a fight
But now I'm jaded, you're out of luck
I'm rolling down the stairs, too drunk to fuck

[Chorus]
I'm too drunk to fuck, you're too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
I'm too drunk, too drunk, too drunk to fuck

[Verse 2]
I like your stories, I love your gun
Shooting out truck tires sounds like loads and loads of fun
But in my room, wish you were dead
You bawl like the baby in Eraserhead

[Chorus]
I'm too drunk to fuck, I'm too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
It's all I need right now, too drunk to fuck

[Instrumental Break]

[Chorus]
I'm too drunk to fuck, you're too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
I'm sick, soft, gooey, and cold, too drunk to fuck
[Verse 3]
I'm about to drop, my head's a mess
The only salvation is I'll never see you again
You give me head, it makes it worse
Take out your fuckin' retainer, put it in your purse

[Chorus]
I'm too drunk to fuck, you're too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
It's all I need right now, oh, baby
I'm melting like an ice cream bar, oh, baby
And now I got diarrhea, too drunk to fuck

[Outro]
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Ooh, gah!