[Intro]
Dear Abby:
Got a problem...

[Verse 1]
I'm a decent, underpaid
Hardworking county coroner
It's important that my family eats meat
At least three times a week
But we just can't afford to
With prices the way they are
So, I bring home some choice cuts
From my autopsy subjects
Just mix in the Tuna Helper and ta-da!

[Refrain]
Dear Abby:
Got a problem...

[Verse 2]
The whole family thinks
My new meals are delicious
They ask me, "What's your secret?"
Abby, I think they're getting suspicious
My smartass eight-year-old keeps asking
"Where's all the meat?
The red dye #2 kind that's kept in the fridge"
If they find out the truth
I don't think they'll understand
[Refrain]
Abby, what do I tell my family?

[Outro]
Dear Reaganomics victim:
Consult your clergyman
Make sure the body's blessed
And everything should be just fine
Just fine...