[MICHAEL]
My daughter is marrying an idiot!
How could she stoop so low?
My daughter is marrying a nincompoop!
She love him, but even so...
I thought I had taught her what to expect
For someone as fine as she:
A man with some fire, some brains and some tact!
Someone, in fact, like me!

My daughter is marrying an idiot!
The stupidest of men
And I wish she were just
My own little girl again!

Marriage is a sacrament
Which is just a way to say
That a very private thing is done
In a very public way
You stand among your neighbors
Like a lamb before the slaughter
And watch some village idiot
Take away your daughter
The groom has got a family
That sits around and gapes
And bears a strange resemblance
To anthropoidal apes!
It's like some sort of nightmare
And the thought that really kills:
Not only must you suffer
But you have to pay the bills!
My daughter is marrying an idiot
The stupidest of men!
And I wish she were just
My own little girl again!

(Agnes begins crying.)

[MICHAEL, spoken]
Agnes, Agnes, dear, are you alright?

[AGNES, spoken]
Of course I'm alright, this is the happiest day of my life!

[BOTH]
When the kids get married
All of our duties will be done
When the kids get married
We can have some fun

[MICHAEL]
All of a sudden
We'll be free

[AGNES]
Think how happy
We will be
[BOTH]
I'm glad they're married now