If I were the Devil
If I were the Devil

If I were the Prince of Darkness, I'd want to engulf the whole world in darkness
And I’d have a third of its real estate
And four-fifths of its population
But I wouldn't be happy until I had seized
The ripest apple on the tree – thee
So I'd set about however necessary to take over the United States
I’d subvert the churches first
I'd begin with a campaign of whispers
With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve
"Do as you please"
To the young I would whisper that the Bible is a myth
I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around
I would confide that what's bad is good and what's good is square
And the old, I would teach to pray after me
Our Father – which art in Washington
And then I'd get organized
I'd educate authors in
How to make Lurid literature exciting
So that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting
I'd threaten TV with dirtier movies and vice versa
I'd peddle narcotics to whom I could
I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction
I’d tranquilize the rest with pills
If I were the Devil I'd soon have families at war with themselves
Churches at war with themselves
And nations at war with themselves
Until each in it’s turn, was consumed
And with promises of higher ratings, I'd have mesmerizing media fanning the flames
If I were the Devil I would encourage schools to refine young intellects
But neglect to discipline emotions, just let those run wild!
Until before you knew it
You'd have to have drug sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door
Within a decade
I'd have prisons overflowing
I’d have judges promoting pornography
Soon I could evict God from the courthouse
Then from the schoolhouse
And then from the houses of congress
And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion and deify science
I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls and church money
If I were the Devil
I'd make the symbol of Easter an egg
And the symbol of Christmas a bottle
If I were the Devil, I would take from those who have
And give to those who wanted
Until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious
What will you bet
I could get whole states to promote gambling, as the way to get rich
I would caution against extremes
In hard work, in patriotism, in moral conduct
I would convince the young that marriage is old fashioned
That swinging is more fun
That what you see on TV
Is the way to be
And thus, I could undress you in public
And I could lure you into bed
With diseases for which there is no cure
In other words, if I were the Devil
I'd just keep right on doing what he's doing
[Outro]
If I were the Devil
I'd just keep doing what he's doing
If I were the Devil
If I were the Devil
I'd just keep doing what he's doing
If I were the Devil
If I were the Devil
I'd just keep doing what he's doing
If I were the Devil
If I were the Devil
I'd just keep doing what he's doing
If I were the Devi