If you want to find a true folk religion in our culture
Look at the rites of Santa Claus
Santa Claus
Even before the beginning of Advent
Which was supposed to be a three-to-four-week fasting period
In preparation for the feast
(In preparation for the feast)
Streets are decorated for Christmas
The shops, littered with tinsel and festive display of gifts
And public address systems warble electronic carols
So that one is sick death of "Venite Adoremus"
Long before Christmas Day
Trees are already baubled and illumined in most homes
And as the big buildup proceeds
They're surrounded by those shiny packages
With shimmering ribbons
Which looked as if they held gifts for princes
Gifts for princes
Gifts for princes
Gifts for princes

By this time, Christmas parties have already been held in schools and offices
Before closing for the actual holiday
So that by Christmas Eve
The celebrations have just about blown their top
But there are still those packages under the tree
(But there are still those packages under the tree)
But there are still those packages under the tree
And stockings by the fireplace
Gifts for princes
Gifts for princes
When, at last, the day comes
The children are frantic
Hardly able to wait for breakfast
And not having slept most of the night
They tear those golden and silver parcels to shreds
As if they contain nothing less than the elixir of life
Or the philosophers' stone
Or the philosophers' stone
(Or the philosophers' stone)
By noon, the living room
Looks as if a wastepaper basket crashed into a dime store
Leaving a wreck of mangled cartons
Excelsior, wrapping paper, and riving ribbons
Neckties, upended dolls, half-assembled model railroads
Space suits, plastic atom bombs
And scattered chocolate bars
Hundreds of Tinkertoy pieces, crushed tree ornaments
Miniature sports cars, water pistols
Bottles of whiskeys
And balloons
An hour later, the children are blubbering or screaming
And have to be shooed out of doors
While the mess is shoved together
To make room for Christmas dinner

- [Eddie] Why are you crying?
- [Catherine] I told you we put it in too early
- [Clark] Oh, it's just a little dry. Here's the heart

Thereafter, the 12 days of Christmas
Are spent with upset stomachs, colds, and influenza
And on New Year's Eve
The adults get stoned to forget the whole thing
The adults get stoned to forget the whole thing
The adults get stoned to forget the whole thing