[Verse 1]
There's been a murder Polis
Ye ken this, ye know this
I'm Stocious
I got the boldness, hold this, oh this?
The goldness, I stole this
So swish!
My vocalism show this!
Ye wonder why I'm scunnered, I'll get to explainin'
I was on a break fae my commonwealth training
Qualified just fae the breeks that I'm wearing
Was gonnae do the javelin - It widnae stop raining
Entertaining visitors is pure dead brilliant
But when I talk to them, they're brickin' it a dillion
This accent doesnae mean we're gonnae kill you
We might
But we probably willnae
So we're the spawny hosts of Commonwealthy
So we're aw gonnae boost we're heavy healthy
Hawd up, Grado, it's yersel', Eh?
Gen up, lemme take a selfie!
Bolt! Bolt? You sayin' bolt?
Jamaican ma heid bile, that's you heavy told!
Hawd on, the sun's oot! TAPS AFF!
Aw naw, the sun's away, back to the gaff
[Hook 1]
Parliamo Glasgow
Do you speaka da lingo?
It's a lexicon am arnae drunk, no by jingo
I'm no mexicano but I'm funky bilingual
Parliamo Glasgow
Sprechen sie die lingo?
It's a lexicon am arnae drunk, no by jingo
I'm no mexicano but I'm funky bilingual

[Verse 2]
It's a no mean city, it's a dear green place
But blue is a colour too, maybe just in case
You're a grumpy numpty, heavy riddy face
Cos ye cannae just embrace the fact, we're all a human race
Hell, mend ye, didnae want to go offend ye
You're limited to bigotry enough, that's plenty
Danger! Danger!
You get a slapping off a
Stranger! Stranger!
Didnae like yer tap and so he's
Maimed ya! Maimed ya!
Colour-coded scrapping like the power rangers
Weans ye, ya weans ye
Ye didnae get it? get ott ma heidspace
Look! Pelters a belter on ma wee face
Book! Wine on ma vine, tweet tweet on ma twitter
I'm busy instabammin' wae ma dinner - It's a fritter
Wae your snapchat, backchat, wrap it like a snapback
Drap that rank that, Sack that. Catch that?
Did ye, aye?
Actual factual?
Scoobyless tube ye, let's
Patch ya, catch ya!
[Hook 2]
Parliamo Glasgow
Do you speaka da lingo?
It's a lexicon am arnae drunk, no by jingo
I'm no mexicano but I'm funky bilingual
Parliamo Glasgow
Czy mowi po lingo?
It's a lexicon am arnae drunk, no by jingo
I'm no mexicano but I'm funky bilingual

[Verse 3]
Izzata marra on yer barra clava?
Cos I seen ye by the way, by the barras way, tharra way! Whit?!
Can I bug ye for a fifty, shuggy?
Fer a tuggy, on a thrifty puggy
Wae ya go, ya mug, before I plug ye
Whit?! It's incomprehensible
That's reprehensible
Ye cannae say it sensible?
Expect to be dispensible
Ostensibly I'm speaking in defence of weegie patter
Extensively I'm shriekin' with intensive weegie chatter
Pretentiously yer seekin' an offensive piece of tatter
So eventually yer reakin' like a mess of fecel matter
Nonsensicaledonian glesga gibberish
Wrap it round yer dial like yer eatin' sticky liquorice
Mate, I'm sick O' this
Nick O' this
I'm fer the offski
Just aboot tae finish this
Glasgow!
I like you sonny
But only as a buddy
Don't be trying nothing funny
Like be tappin' tonnes of money
No, I havnae got a pun
Ye wernae listening, yer onto
Hee Haw
Got you all on tick
Leo and Wee man
Peas in a pod
Highland silent raver
And a lowly, noisy toad
In the name o' the wee man, In the name O' God
Let's go a donder yonder up roon toon
And up 'eh road!
I'm outty! I'm outty!
Do us a favour and gie yer maw
A shouty! A shouty!
Proud O' Ye, Proud O' Ye, Proud O' Ye, Proud, O' Ye...