[Intro: Bart Baker as Macklemore]
Wut wut wut wut
Wut wut wut wut
Wut wut wut wut
Wut wut wut wut

[Chorus: Bart Baker as Macklemore]
I got a nasty rash
Probably from wearing this gross used jacket
Front pocket, just found a used condom
Guess I should've washed it

[Verse 1: Bart Baker as Macklemore, Hot Girl 1, Hot Girl 2, Austin Smith as Thrift Shop Clerk & *Blake Asbury as Sneakerhead*]
Walkin' into the club like, "Wait, what? I think that I'm lost"
I'm messed up and smell like piss from the thrift shop
Wipe the dandruff with so much swagger
The people like, "Damn, that's a gross ass cracker"
Wearing these used panties, Hope you don't get a disease
Who gives a shit?, Got 'em with these shoes, super cheap
Those really stink, said a girl sitting next to me
You look like you're homeless, and what is that on your jeans?
Jizz
But hey, pretty sure it's aids free
They had a bloody sweater, I bought a bloody sweater
Since I've been wearing it, My stomach is starting to hurt
Hello, hello my shin's turning yellow
Oh, that's the hepatitis, it comes with all of the clothes
Now I'm feeling real sick, gonna puke on my toes
The sneakers head will be like, *"AH! Not on the Velcros!"*
[Chorus: Kristen Pickrell as Singing Lady & Bart Baker as Macklemore]
I don't know where I am! Does someone know how to get to McDonalds?
I got lost, now I'm in the thrift shop, this is fucking awful
I can help you with that, I just found a big mac in my back pocket
Oh neato, I also found a needle; This tastes fucking awful

[Verse 2: Bart Baker as Macklemore, Concerned Shopper & Alex Farnham as Ryan Lewis]
What you know about having a really bad hair-do?
What you know about getting crabs from my hat, dude?
I'm diggin', I'm diggin', I'm searchin' right through this dumpster
This dead cat would go perfect with my shirt!
Thank your grandad for donating his old dirty dentures
Even though my mouth really hurts
Are you okay, man?, I think you should see a doctor
Nah, I'll be fine, I don't need no goddamn doctor
My hands are turning black, I can't feel my nut sack
I got gonorrhea and the clap
Oh man, it stings like a mothafucka
I think the bugs are biting in this mothafucka
Okay, honestly dude, stop saying mothafucka!
I just lost all my feelings in my legs now
I can't walk so I'm crawlin' on the damn ground
Stop playing saxophone
And help me get back up so I can go back to the club and show off my clothes!

[Interlude: Alex Farnham as Ryan Lewis & Bart Baker as Macklemore]
Dude, you're bleeding from your nose!
Your mouth is full of foam!
I don't care man, let's go!
[Chorus: Page Kennedy as Wanz]
Macklemore looks like ass
I think he needs a thrift shop intervention
He is green and he is seizuring
We need to talk to him

[Bridge: Page Kennedy as Wanz, Bart Baker as Macklemore & Alex Farnham as Ryan Lewis]
We think you need rehab
This is getting real bad
Stop buying diseased clothes
From the thrift shop down the road
But they're incredible
And they're for blah blah
He needs a hospital!
Let's take him, it's down the road

[Chorus: Bart Baker as Macklemore, Michael Surh as Dr. Ponytail & Michael Rippe as Macklemore Lookalike]
Where'd my arms and legs go?!
We cut off all your limbs
They were infected from the gross clothes you bought (No!)
You almost died
You're lucky to be alive
Yo, where's the nearest thrift shop?

[Spoken: Bart Baker as Macklemore, Michael Rippe as Macklemore Lookalike & Michael Surh as Dr. Ponytail]
You know, there's actually one right down the road
Dude, thanks man
Hella dope parody by the way
Dude was that Macklemore?