[Verse 1: Lisa "LisBug" Schwartz as Carly Rae Jepsen]
What the hell is Tom Hanks doing here in this music vid
Sitting in bed in pajamas, mouthing along
And why is he doing such a terrible job of it?
Guess he didn’t learn all the lyrics to this song, Oh no

[Pre-Chorus: Carly Rae Jepsen]
This guy’s movies have made billions
He’s won 2 Oscars and earned millions
He’s one of the world’s biggest movie stars
So why do this dumb video?

[Chorus: Bart Baker as Tom Hanks, Nash Grier as Super Fan 1, Cameron Dallas as Super Fan 2, Super Fans]
You ask why am I in this video, Well, let me tell you
I was signing several contracts and I got confused
I must have mixed up all my papers cos the next thing I knew
I had signed up to be in this, What is wrong with you
You’re too famous to be in a pop song vid, It’s embarrassing!
I know!, But I signed a contract and if I back out I could be sued
We really can’t believe we used to look up to you

[Verse 2: Carly Rae Jepsen]
It’s been more than 3 years since ‘Call Me Maybe’ was a hit
After that, my career fizzled out too soon
I knew if the next song I released was a piece of shit
I'd end up waiting tables pushing a broom, Hell no
[Pre-Chorus: Carly Rae Jepsen]
Music is a competition
You have to make sure people listen
So I made a vid everyone will watch
Cos it shows Tom Hanks lip syncing

[Chorus: Carly Rae Jepsen, Hayes Grier as Super Fan 3, Aaron Carpenter as Super Fan 4, Sidewalk Singers, *Daniel Skye as Kid In Car*, **Tom Hanks**]
This was a desperate and totally calculated move
Put a huge star in my new vid to drive YouTube views
Why the heck does Tom Hanks have a Tinder profile? I’m confused
I have no clue, I searched for girls and he’s on mine too
His lip syncing’s so bad that they hired us to dance and distract from that
*Hi there Tom Hanks I’m driving by in a car waving to you!*
**This is all just product placement is this over soon?**

[Bridge: Carly Rae Jepsen, Tom Hanks, Christian Delgrosso as Makeup Artist 1, KingBach as Makeup Artist 2]
This shot uses lens flare, like J.J. Abrams
I hope this shoot wraps soon, I’m really losing patience!
We’ve just got one scene left, We’re doing the dance scene next
I need to tell you something

[Spoken Interlude: Tom Hanks, Carly Rae Jepsen, Makeup Artist 2]
I’m extremely constipated right now
Ew
You want some prune juice n***a?
Yeah!
[Chorus: Carly Rae Jepsen, Tom Hanks, Logan Paul as Choreographer, Jake Paul as Justin Bieber]
This is the worst dancing that anybody could ever do
There was no time to rehearse it, cos I’m leaving soon
The choreographer looks sick I think he’s about to puke
I can’t take this awful dancing, I need a men’s room!
I’m so fed up with this! Hey Justin Bieber!
I’m so glad you’re here I’m here
I’m producing a new movie you’d be the perfect star dude
It’s a remake of Forrest Gump Wow I would love to, swag

[Spoken Outro: Tom Hanks, Justin Bieber, Carly Rae Jepsen]
Great! Just sign right here on the dotted line
Awesome, I always wanted to be a movie star
I bet you have, ha-ha-ha
Okay, boys, Justin here is playing Forrest Gump in the remake
Lets get his legs ready, huh?
Swag, swag, swag, swag, swag!
Run, Bieber run!